Parents develop a highly specific set of skills to deal with the day-to-day grind of raising small humans.
There’s diaper changing, potty training, hiding vegetables in kid-friendly foods, chauffeuring, finding missing shoes and other foundational knowledge. But there’s also the art of white lies, tackling unanswerable questions and, perhaps most crucially, bribery.
We’ve rounded up 50 funny tweets about bribery from parents who are all too familiar with the tactic.
My award wining parenting moments include bribing my kids with candy to get them to cooperate at the dentist.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 28, 2014
Me: What did you learn in kindergarten today?
5-year-old: A doughnut would help me remember.
Apparently she learned bribery.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 12, 2015
Toilet training your kid automatically earns you the right to use unlimited amounts of bribery for example
-you can eat the cookie if you pee in the toilet
-you can watch the movie when you’ve peed in the toilet
-if you pee on the toilet you can still live with mummy & daddy
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) February 18, 2020
Parenting is a lot easier if you are comfortable with bribery and lies.
— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) May 29, 2018
Behind the smile of every well-dressed kid in Easter pictures is a mouthful of jelly bean bribery.
— Walking Outside in Slippers (@WalkingOutside) April 22, 2019
Why is it called bribing your child and not kid pro quo?
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 22, 2019
Before I had kids I knew exactly how I would raise them. This morning I bribed them to get out of bed with peanut butter marshmallow sandwiches. Childless me didn’t have a clue.
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) November 20, 2019
"Hush Little Baby" is my favorite lullaby about bribing your kid to shut up
— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) February 28, 2019