And somehow the spouses of Twitter continue to find humor in the minutiae of married life and sum it up perfectly in no more than 280 characters.
Every other Monday, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the previous two weeks. Read on for 25 relatable new ones that will have you laughing in agreement.
My wife just started measuring a wall in our house and I don’t know what she’s up to but its probably going to be expensive.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 14, 2021
My husband has forbidden me from watching like five shows without him, but then he never has time to watch them with me. Is this tyranny?
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) January 19, 2021
My husband just shushed me. He will be missed.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) January 21, 2021
I'm at the store and my wife texted me to pick her up something called hair nourishing elixir, so I should be home sometime tomorrow.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) January 15, 2021
what my husband doesn’t realize that a lot of our arguments could be solved by shoving a cookie in my face
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 22, 2021
*puts kid to bed*
AW YEAH IT’S FRIDAY NIGHT AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS
*turns down the lights*
*takes a probiotic*
*wife puts in her mouth guard*
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) January 16, 2021
Fun fact: you will marry the LOUDEST sneezer on the planet.
Which doesn’t seem possible since I am already married to that person, but trust me on this.
— Sara Buckley (@nottheworstmom) January 12, 2021