Sometimes, on God's green internet, you read a sentence that's so strange, so unique, so creative, that you're just like... *chef's kiss*. Here are some of those sentences.
By the way, if you like what you read here, be sure to give these artists of the English language a follow!
1. I've never thought of maple syrup as "delicious tree blood," but this person apparently has.
Is maple the only kind of tree that has delicious blood or are we missing out on other ones
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) April 15, 2023
2. This parrot has a calling, and also a pretty great title.
Happy pride from the trans affirming misogynist parrot pic.twitter.com/OWLPpD77DS
— ms. entertainment (@hersterics) June 3, 2023
3. Could I get four baby elephants as heavy as a corgi, though? We can leave the meteor out of it.
This has to be the most fucked unit of measurement ive ever come across pic.twitter.com/wu5OeA0mFb
— gNomecliff (@Gnomecliff) February 21, 2023
Twitter: @Gnomecliff / solarseven via Shutterstock
4. "The Wilhelm Scream of dead fictional wives" is so brilliant.
why do movies keep doing this shot where the hero has a dead wife and they do a flash back where they are ethereally under a white sheet together, it's really weird. it's like the wilheim scream of dead fictional wives pic.twitter.com/5TSwkoc7QX
— 🦋The Other Happy Place🦋 (@otherhappyplace) April 19, 2023
5.That's it. That's what it is.
6. Well, great, I'm never getting "Michael Mouse" out of my head. That's gonna be stuck in there forever.
'Mickey' is a nickname, and nicknames are for friends, and Michael Mouse is no friend of mine.
— Kevin Mullet (@KevMagnet) September 17, 2022
7.Say that three times fast.
8. A unique sentence to describe a unique experience.
At my first @Bucks game last night and thought I caught a shirt they fired into the stands out of a cannon. Turns out it was a hot bratwurst. Never in my life did I ever think I’d catch a flying hot brat but here we are. pic.twitter.com/Z0xDC5XPiY
— Tom Pigs (@sauced7) January 18, 2023
9. "Babybel cheese wax crab."
boss makes a dollari make a dimethats why i make babybel cheese wax crabon company time pic.twitter.com/DX32ieaKYy
— ★ sad fat dog ★ (@doglesbian) October 4, 2022
10. I sincerely hope that exact phrase was used, and that this employee was given a raise just for coming up with it.
Once got threatened with "disciplinary action" for wearing jeans instead of khakis at a telesales job and told my boss to just fire me because I wasn't buying a special pair of "talk on the phone pants."They ended up just changing the dress code to "no profanity."
— Wirefraud Boys Chat (@MazzaDammit) January 19, 2023
11.You just know the position would be called something like "croaker," too.
12. I read this tweet on my demon box.
Just had my phone incorrectly autocorrect “ducking” to “fucking,” which means I’ve won, I’ve finally broken its spirit. How does failure taste, demon box.
— Sonny Bunch (@SonnyBunch) September 28, 2021
13. Can I... can I actually lease a falcon?
Don't be boring with your midlife crisis and buy a sports car 👎🏼 Go hard. Learn magic. Lease a falcon. Start a cult. Are people worried about you? Sure. But are they also a little curious? Yeah man sign them up for the cult, you gotta make those falcon payments.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) January 29, 2020
14. I love the way "building a house with their butthole" rolls off the tongue. I do NOT like the mental image it evokes.
how am i supposed to believe humans are the dominant species when a spider is over here building a house with their butthole
— Glenn (@Shenaniglenns) October 24, 2020
15."Blue shell the one percent."
16. Deep down, aren't we all chemistry labs made of meat?
pretty fucked up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason
— jame (@kloogans) October 5, 2022
17. I love him.
Good news: Prancer, the 13-pound gremlin Chihuahua who hates men and children, and was described as a "vessel for a traumatized Victorian child," has been adopted by a 36-year-old single lesbian in Connecticut.https://t.co/3xrCpWemVn
— NPR (@NPR) April 27, 2021
18. Bussy full of beans. Bussy. Full. Of. Beans.
Jake Gyllenhaal didn’t bottom in the mountains with no lube and a bussy full of beans just for y’all to act like he’s some brand new actor
— emotional support creampie (@FeelingFisky) January 17, 2019
19.I'm not sure what to pick out of here.
20.That really does paint a picture.
21. And finally, "final boss cop in a goth prom dress" is maybe the single most beautiful thing I've ever heard.
court is all like “place your non shit-wiping hand on this book of half-remembered ghost stories told by inbred winos and promise not to lie to this final boss cop in a goth prom dress.” ok sure man whatever you say.
— Kyle Kinane (@kylekinane) August 15, 2022