I do not exist to be viewed, to be considered sexy, desirable, I am but a vessel for pasta, and that is valid
— Little Tunny 🐌🤝🧂 (@itslittletunny) April 26, 2019
2. This is very funny but also an excellent point:
sippin on that moist
— Trey Smith (@SlimiHendrix) September 21, 2020
3. I can't explain why, but this makes perfect sense:
Q is too high up in the alphabet. I respect it but it has no place between P and R. Should be at the end with the weirdo/goth letters
— Brooks Otterlake (@i_zzzzzz) March 29, 2020
4. "Kit" for short:
Yes I’m shaming. Wanting a less common name is cool but naming your child Kitchenaid Whiskey Jones is borderline abuse.
— meep (@mummabryan) August 7, 2022
5.We did it. We lived to see the day that "deez nuts" became a verb:
6.Where's the lie?
7.Just watering the pianos, NBD:
8.Really? Not bologna?
9. A what the size of a what now?
Large boulder the size of a small boulder is completely blocking east-bound lane Highway 145 mm78 at Silverpick Rd. Please use caution and watch for emergency vehicles in the area. pic.twitter.com/EVMmDf0IJu
— San Miguel Sheriff (@SheriffAlert) January 27, 2020
10.I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that that's not allowed:
11. How did Microsoft know?
Minecraft proves that abolishing child labour was a mistake. The children yearn for the mines.
— Froggenþuſiaſt (@Froggenthusias1) February 7, 2022
12. "Having your paper warmed":
Big mistake. Once you’ve gotten accustomed to having your paper warmed you can never really go back.
— SnarkTank (@TheSnarkTank99) May 2, 2023
13. One little brick out of place, and SPLAT:
Nothing like a close call slip in the shower to remind you that you’re just a Jenga tower of blood.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) April 25, 2021
14. This would be echoing in my head for days:
My GF said "The message from Shrek is undercut because Shrek is still pretty attractive" like 20 hours ago and it only just now clicked that that is an absolutely fucking insane take
— Angel of Mists and Mirrors (@ChazakielDoremi) May 18, 2023
15. Lol, this old guy's never heard of Zoosha OR K-Smog:
I’m 50. All celebrity news looks like this:‘CURTAINS FOR ZOOSHA? K-SMOG AND BATBOY CAUGHT FLIPPING A GRUNT’
— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) January 6, 2022
16. The villainiest villain of them all:
the villain in my bedtime stories was always the President of the Homeowner’s Association and I was sooooo confused when no one else had heard of him
— Morgan Finkelstein (@momofink) September 7, 2020
17. "Very Frenchly":
Was in Paris on Friday night and a handsome French man was flirting with me and I asked him what his name was and he said (very Frenchly) “Ah you will be disappointed” and I thought what a silly thing to say and then he said “it is Kevin” and you know what? I was disappointed.
— molly (@mollyEatsTofu) January 15, 2023
18. Honestly, change your name and move to a new city:
this is the most humiliating day of my life pic.twitter.com/jzdf9wWnFT
— a beautiful woman 💕✨👄🦷 (@full_legal_name) June 9, 2021
19.Can't wait for the sequel to The Queen's Gambit:
20."Florida is a derogatory adjective":
21. And finally, my new favorite term:
Someone in my Norwegian class didn't know the word for cowboys so called them 'American horse pirates' and I've been laughing about it for about an hour.
— so cactus so owl (@socactussoowl) November 16, 2020