CUPCAKE

LAMBCHOP

SHMOOPY

PUMPKIN

HONEYBUN

POSSUM

SUGAR LIPS

PEACHES

SWEETIE PIE

CHICKEN

BABYCAKES...



Lovey-dovey language - even your own - can be so corny it makes you want to puke. But researchers have found that it might serve an important purpose: pet names and code phrases pave the way to a playful, resilient and satisfying relationship. One study on couples' "insider language", published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships reported that the more playful names, made- up terms, and covert requests for nooky a couple used, the higher their relationship satisfaction tended to be.

The quantity of sweet (or really silly) nothings you utter on any given day may be even more important than the quality, says Dr Jamie Turndorf, a relationship therapist and author of Till Death Do Us Part: Unless I Kill You First.Studies have found that couples who maintain a five-to-one ratio of positive to negative communications are far more likely to remain happy. "Using nicknames and made-up language is an easy way to inject positive communication into everyday life," Dr Turndorf says.

In fact, it's probably the single easiest thing you can do to keep your relationship going strong. Whether it's baby talk or coded conversation (eg, "I feel a bit chilly" Translation: "Let's leave now"), the overall message is: the two of you are tight. "You are saying, symbolically, that you care enough about the other person and the relationship to develop your own way of speaking," says Dr Carol Bruess, a marriage researcher and educator, and co-author of What Happy Couples Do: Belly Button Fuzz and Bare-Chested Hugs. "You've got your own private world, your own mini-culture."



Pet names also create a boundary, says Dr Patricia Love, co-author of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. "It's a way to identify the relationship as exclusive," she says. "It's like an auditory marker." When people around you overhear your cutesy conversation, they know you're committed to each other (even if they ask you to pass the puke bag).

The inside banter can also serve as a fast-forward button, says Dr Lillian Glass, a communication and body-language expert. Sometimes, after a rough day at work, you just want to come home, flop onto the couch and crack open a bottle of something smooth and red. How great is it when your partner asks you how your day was and knows that your reply, "the usual", is code for: "My imbecile boss just wasted eight hours of my life with mindless work and I'm not in a great mood right now"? Statement, sentiment, and your current mental state all rolled into two words - no need to relive the whole disastrous day blow by blow.


Problem-solving

Personalised lingo can not only bond a relationship - it can bail it out, too. Psychology professor Lorne Campbell from the University of Western Ontario, US, has researched the use of humour during conflicts. In a study published in the journal Personal Relationships, Professor Campbell found that when mucking around is used to help resolve disputes, it ultimately strengthens the relationship. Tossing in an inside joke during a would-be brawl not only relieves the tension, he says, but brings you back to the present.

It can make you realise the issue's not worth fighting about. Naming a problem also helps to externalise it, to separate it from you (remember in SATC when a sex therapist encouraged Charlotte and Trey to nickname their sex organs, resulting in them trying to bring "Schooner" into "Rebecca's" harbour?). Naming problems is one strategy that can be used in Narrative Therapy, which holds that our identities are shaped by our own stories of our lives. Narrative therapists, among other things, focus on the way problems effect people's lives rather than on problems as inside or part of people - when distance is created between the person and their problem, the problem and its influence becomes easier to investigate.


Cementing memories

It's no coincidence that brand-new couples give each other nicknames that are sugary and food-related. Cupcake. Honeybun. Peaches. "Sweet is an unequivocally positive descriptor," Dr Glass says. "You're comparing the other person with a treat - something special that you look forward to every time."

As a relationship matures and trust builds, you may develop pet names that refer to a feature or personality trait of your partner (like calling your boyfriend Leo when his beard grows shaggy and out of control). That kind of "just between us" language drives home how well you know each other.

Every shared experience, Dr Glass says, opens doors for more inside jokes and nicknames, which become earmarks for your most meaningful memories. Whether he calls you Rodeo after the horseback-riding trip you took on your first anniversary, or you call him Speed Racer for the time he drove 120kph to get you to the airport on time, the names are a way of tracking your romantic history. "You have a word that signifies a time, a date, and a place, and it takes you back to that moment," Dr Glass says.

Of course, for a nickname to work, both parties have to be happy with it. If it annoys you when your boyfriend calls you Stinky in memory of that run-in you had with your Indian takeaway last year, that may not really bring you any closer. "You're putting your trust in the other person to treat you in a safe and intimate way," Dr Glass says. "Tread carefully." And make sure your pet name for your partner is actually unique to them. If you called your previous boyfriend "baby", come up with something different for your current partner - think about how you'd feel if you found out your partner calls you the same thing as his last girlfriend. Not happy, Jan.


The must-say phrase
What if you and your partner would rather cut your tongues out than utter a ridiculous nickname? Don't worry; your coupling isn't doomed. Worse, Dr Turndorf says, is a relationship in which "I love you" is hardly ever said. Still, she urges couples to come up with as many catchphrases as they can stand. They don't have to be gooey and sweet - funny is fine. But one big red flag to watch out for is if your partner stops calling you by your pet name, Dr Love says. "It's like calling a naughty kid by his full name. It sends the signal 'I'm not being intimate with you anymore'." If that does happen, it's time to figure out what in your relationship need fixing.

Sound off: Tell us your pet names and what they mean - click here or comment below: