IT COMES AND GOES

You know how it is - some days you could take on Wolverine if he stepped in front of you in the coffee queue; other times you freak out when asked to speak in a meeting of three people. What gives? "Confidence can be 'trait like' (constant over time) and also 'state like' (varying across situations)," says Dr Green. So, it isn't just you that yo-yos.

Some tips for the days when you're struggling? Pay attention to your body language. Dr Green points out the non-verbal clues that signal a confident person: a strong physical "presence", good posture, head and shoulders high, direct eye contact and a powerful stride. They rarely fidget and maintain a strong stance, looking relaxed at the same time. Also pay attention to your voice. A confident voice is usually not high-pitched or monotone but has a variation in tone and pitch. A trick for changing your voice is to smile while speaking (you'll come across as 90 per cent warmer) and relax your body, drop your shoulders back and breathe from your stomach as you speak.

YOU'RE IN CONTROL OF 75 PER CENT OF IT

The heritability (how much you can thank your parents for) of how optimistic and confident about life you feel has been estimated to be about 25 per cent, says Dr Green. Our early childhood experiences play a significant role in creating core beliefs about ourselves - positive and negative. That means the rest is in your hands. Or fingers: a study from Melbourne's Swinburne University of Technology found blogging makes you more social and self-confident. If sharing online is not for you, then try our 10-minute confidence workout.

And don't forget the basics. Your confidence can be diminished by lifestyle factors such as poor sleep; too much caffeine, alcohol or sugar; not enough exercise and stress. An easy confidence booster according to 28 per cent of WH readers? A good ol' workout.

WHEN YOU LOSE, YOU CAN WIN

In fact, failure can boost your self-belief if you use the time out after a life-changing event such as a relationship break-up or job loss to work on yourself. "We lose confidence when our self-image is shaken by behaviours or events that don't support this image - like putting up with bad behaviour from a partner when we have a high degree of self-respect, or not getting the job we thought we had in the bag," says Dr Green. Plenty of her female clients are amazingly successful but struggle with a crisis in confidence. It happens to us all - yep, even Hillary Clinton types.

This is when it pays to try the "success log", says Mo Shapiro, author of Shift Your Thinking - Change Your Life. Before you go to bed, identify what you've achieved that day. It doesn't have to be particularly mind-blowing - maybe you fixed your PC without calling IT. You could also write down any positive comments from others, even if it's as small as your barista noticing you had good hair. If you keep a success log each day, by the end of the month you'll have at least 28 comments. On days when your confidence is low, read them to yourself to shift your focus into positive.

FAKING IT HELPS

Vince Vaughn's speech in Swingers is the perfect example of how you can instil confidence with verbal tricks, even if you're just not feeling it. OK, so telling yourself "You're so f***ing money" might not work but spinning your thoughts from "I'll never make it, it's too hard" to "Yes, I can do it and will do it!" is the basis of most self-help books. "Don't worry to begin with if you need to fake it till you make it. It's quite normal when you first start to change your behaviours," says Dr Green.

THERE'S A FORMULA

There's something comforting about having a science to an emotion. The Centre for Confidence and Well-being in Scotland uses a formula to define confidence: confidence = self-efficacy (the belief you can reach your goals) + optimism (the expectation of a good outcome). "People high on self-efficacy generally believe they are in charge of their lives, with their own actions and decisions shaping it," says Dr Green. Two decades of research on self-efficacy (or self-belief) have linked it with enhanced academic achievement, sporting performance, health-related behaviours such as quitting smoking, and better clinical outcomes like overcoming phobias.

IT'S GOOD TO BE YOU

"Sometimes change is needed to become more confident. It's also necessary that you accept yourself for who you are right now," says Dr Green. There's nothing more alluring than people who are happy in their own skin. When you're feeling down, seek out evidence of your past achievements: for example, an award or sporting win. Think of times when you have overcome an obstacle, like when you threw a dinner party for eight within two hours. Write a list of your successes (your CV can help) and review it often. Repetition is key.


What do you think of the "Happy For Life" initiative? What topics would you like us to cover in the series? '''Email Us