When something goes bump in the night, it can trigger night terrors in toddlers that are bad enough to wake the whole household. But a fear of the dark can be dealt with fairly simply, through reassurance and management, by parents who are prepared to invest some time.

The bad news about fearing the dark is that it can be a very traumatic time for toddlers and parents alike. The good news is that it’s considered by experts to be a completely normal phase of development, and there are several simple strategies that parents can try to help keep their toddlers fear-free through the night.

The cause

A fear of the dark most often begins when your toddler’s imagination develops ahead of their ability to put rational judgement in place. As a result, most toddlers aren’t able to distinguish imagination and fantasy from reality.

In the absence of a rational explanation for night time noises or shadows, your child’s imagination will simply fill in the blanks – and without the ability to rationalise their imaginations, the blanks can be filled with monsters that are really only shadows, or intruders that are simply tree branches tapping on windows.

Small comforts

Some parents believe that in order for their child to get a good nights’ sleep, it needs to be in total darkness – and while a bright light in a room will certainly impact your child’s ability to sleep, a dim night light can provide a comforting presence in the room, and remove the sense of visual deprivation that many children feel in the dark.

Likewise, the use of comforting items, like a blanky or cuddly toy, is sometimes frowned upon as encouraging babyish behaviour. The reality is that there is no reason a toddler shouldn’t have a soothing item with them, if it helps them to deal with their fears. If the problem stems from sounds that your child’s mind cannot explain, soothing soft music can help.

Checking for monsters

Many parents, when faced with a toddler who is convinced that there are monsters under the bed, will slip into a well-worn pantomime of opening up the cupboards and looking under the bed to assure their child that there are no monsters around. While this strategy seems helpful, it can backfire. It suggests to the child that monsters do exist, and that they could actually be in the house. It also locks the parents into a routine of checking for monsters every night, which only serves to reinforce the issue.

The best way to tackle the idea that monsters may be lurking in your child’s room is to affirm that there are no monsters, and so you don’t need to check for them. For example, you might say “I can see that you’re scared, but there is no such thing as monsters. There is nothing to be frightened of – we never have monsters here”.

Similarly, if your toddler is afraid of noises in the night, reassure him that it’s just a noise and there’s nothing behind it that could hurt him. Find an explanation for the sound and, where possible, demonstrate the noise during the daylight hours to dispel the misunderstanding.

Climb into bed

Another common method of dealing with the night terrors is to let your toddler climb into the parental bed. It’s often done out of loving care or sheer exhaustion, but many parents will give in to their toddler’s demands to share the safe space of mum and dad’s bed.

It’s a safe bet that your toddler will beat an immediate and rapid path to you for safety and comfort when they’re scared by a shadow or strange noise. However, giving in one night inevitably leads to many more exhausting and uncomfortable nights with your toddler in the bed with you.

This is a time when a firm yet re-assuring bout of tough love is required. Try to settle your toddler, return him to bed and soothe him as best you can – gentle patting or stroking works well. When he’s settled, briefly depart after telling him that you’ll be back really soon to check on him and make sure he’s okay.

You will need to be determined, and prepared to spend time popping in frequently to help implant the message that you’re close by, until he finally settles again. This can be exhausting for the first few nights, but the pay-off is a reduction in the longer term problems.

If all of this fails, you might need to seek professional support. Occasionally toddlers are more intense or overly anxious, thus parents can need extra strategies and emotional support.

Prevention, not cure

As the old saying goes, an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure – and this is particularly true when it comes to a fear of the dark. Many toddlers who find night time a frightening period don’t have a good, calming bedtime routine.

Parents should work on calming their toddler before bedtime, as this can help keep their overactive imaginations from firing up. A good consistent routine will also help establish that you are not open to manipulation or tantrums at bedtime.

Other factors to consider are the visual cues that toddlers receive before bed – namely, traumatic images on television, such as the vivid reports that fill the nightly news, or adult-oriented material that they may be unwittingly exposed to.

Finally, you need to portray an air of confidence yourself, as toddlers can be very perceptive and may pick up on parental anxiety or fears. It is often helpful to point out to your toddler that “Mummy and daddy aren’t frightened at night, so there’s no need for you to be scared. We are all okay”.

Many toddlers go through the developmental stage of being frightened of the dark or night terrors. However, with good reassurance, positive determination and sensible management, they can overcome those troubling fears and you can all sleep better at night.