Being the parent of a toddler, it’s odds-on that your little treasure does some truly mortifying things from time to time – and, chances are, they tend to happen in public. Sometimes you can laugh off an incident. But other times, it’s enough to make you wish that the ground would open up and swallow you whole.

Your littlie could do something as simple as pick her nose, then delicately consume the fruits of her labour. She might opt for a more embarrassing antic, like loudly pointing out how fat, old or ugly the person ahead of you in the supermarket queue is. She could wipe her grubby hands on your furniture, a friend’s furniture or her brand-new white shirt, laugh raucously about poos, wees, bums and farts or, the grand-daddy of them all, chuck a public temper tantrum.

As unpleasant as all this sounds, the horrifying and often hilarious truth is that this revolting list could be an excerpt from the adventures of any completely normal toddler or preschooler. Educational and developmental psychologist Dr Fiona Martin, from the Sydney Child Psychology Centre in Mosman, insists that cringe-worthy behaviours such as these are all part of healthy development… to a point.

“All children do these things,” she assures. “But when they get to the age of about four or five – before they go to school – they begin to be able to manage their behaviour and regulate it in certain environments.”

Brisbane-based educational and developmental psychologist Amanda Hawes adds that sometimes, parents need to relax and accept that kids will be kids. “Just think, ‘Is this, in the scheme of things, detrimental to the development of my child?’ Things are going to happen, and all parents have got funny examples. It’s all just a part of healthy, normal development.”

Let’s take a closer look at some of the more embarrassing antics littlies have in their arsenals and get the inside word on what you should (and shouldn’t) do to cope…

Most children go through a phase, usually around the age of three, where they find toilet humour thigh-slappingly, gut-achingly, roll-around-on-the-floor funny. They just can’t seem to get enough of those sophisticated poo, wee and fart jokes and comments!

Sometimes it is funny, and it doesn’t hurt to laugh along occasionally, Dr Martin says. “Toilet talk is inappropriate, but it’s also kind of fun – and it can be a bit sad if you ruin that fun for your child,” she says. But Dr Martin acknowledges that it does get to a point, often rather quickly, when poo-poo-wee-wee-head jokes are no longer funny. “It really depends where your child is and who she is with.”

Don’t neglect to offer guidance to your child as to when and where these kind of jokes are appropriate. “At home with the family it can be okay to a point, but elsewhere people may take offence,” Dr Martin says. “The thing is, kids don’t know how to judge situations so they need to be guided by their parents.”

There’s no denying that eating the stuff you’ve fished out of your nose is revolting, not to mention socially looked down upon. Yet an inordinate number of kids do it: apparently those crusty, stretchy and readily available little nose nuggets taste salty and interesting.

“If your child is two, you might direct her to a tissue and then not make too much of a fuss about it,” Dr Martin says. “If she’s five or six years old, you’d still direct her to a tissue, but also explain to her why you don’t pick your nose and eat your boogies.”

“You can’t fight every battle,” Amanda says. “Teach her about tissues and about blowing her nose, but sometimes the more of a big deal you make about something, the more kids will do it, which is part of normal boundary pushing.”

If you’ve got a child past the age of four, it goes without saying you’ve probably died from embarrassment at least once because of something your little darling has said in public at the top of her lungs. “Why is that man so fat?”, “Is that a lady or a man?” or even, “That lady looks like a witch!” are just a few of the kind of comments kids make, oblivious to the insult or injury they may be inflicting.

The best approach lies in preparation: teach your child about feelings from as early an age as possible. “If you teach her about feelings – being happy, sad, angry, worried – then you are normalising that people have these emotions,” Amanda says. “Then in the moment, once you’re over your embarrassment, you can pull your child aside and tell her that what she said might have hurt that person’s feelings.”

By building empathy in your child – and an awareness that everyone looks different and that’s okay – you can hopefully reduce the incidence of inappropriate comments in future.

“For many years during early life we encourage kids to speak and verbalise as much as possible,” Amanda says. “And when they say something [embarrassing] and you quickly tell them to be quiet, you are giving them mixed messages.”

The most renowned location for those ear-shattering public meltdowns is at the supermarket checkout, where you’re surrounded by a captive audience of bored (and, it usually feels like, judgemental) shoppers. Your child sees all those lollies at her eye-level, but can’t have them. Waaaaah!

At the checkout, in some aisles the supermarkets place lollies and chocolates within reach of small children purposefully, Amanda says. “And the screaming is just a way for a child to express that she is not happy with something.”

Once again, preparation is key to managing this undesirable behaviour: talk to your child before you go shopping and tell her that sometimes she might get a lolly, but today she won’t.

If that fails, sometimes it may be best to abandon ship. “Sometimes you need to stop what you’re doing and leave, so that your child can see that her behaviour is not appropriate at that time.”

Don’t expect too much. A child of four will understand that this behaviour is not acceptable, whereas a two-year-old won’t. “There are some things we just need to take a step back and relax about,” Amanda says.

How often have you turned back to swoon over your perfect child enjoying her morning tea only to reel back in horror at the sight of her obliviously wiping her jammy little fingers all over her clean white T-shirt/your clean white wall/your new white lounge?

Sit down with your child and be clear about where exactly she can wipe her dirty hands. “You need to be really specific about some things,” Amanda advises. “Be clear about both what she can do, such as wipe her hands on her napkin or washer, as well as what she can’t do. If you want to correct a particular behaviour, it’s really important to do it in a positive manner so that your child doesn’t become worried about making mistakes all the time.”

Dr Martin suggests drawing on your patience for a task like this. “It might take a few times of you reminding her. And do give her a reason why she can’t wipe her hands on the table, wall or her clothes,” she says. “Sometimes a visual reminder will help, such as a picture of hands wiping on clothes with a red line going through it, and if your child does use her napkin or washer, give her a star on her star chart.”

Don’t lose your temper or rave on in adult terms about why your angel shouldn’t be doing what she’s doing.

“The biggest thing when communicating with kids is to put the explanation into their words,” Dr Martin says. “That way they will understand what you’re talking about.”

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