In decades past, men weren’t allowed to be in the room when their children were being born – instead they were relegated to the waiting room where they would sit, smoke, pace and make phone calls to excited family members. These days, however, dads in the delivery room are commonplace, though it did take quite some years to establish this as the norm in Australia!
Read on for all you need to know about preparing Daddy Dearest for the big day.
Strong or stressed?If your partner is up for attending the birth, it can be a great way to help ease his transition into fatherhood. Research shows that most men who are present during labour and the birth of their little one tend to quickly develop a closer emotional bond with the baby and have a more positive attitude towards her.
The presence of the man at birth has also been shown to strengthen the relationship with his partner – important, as the first year with bub can be a pretty stressful time for couples.
For most fathers, then, being there for the birth is a positive experience. One father recently told me that being at the birth of each of his children was the highlight of his life and so was enthusiastic in recommending all dads be there to welcome their littlies into the world.
Some dads, though, have a hard time. “It was all too stressful and I just wasn’t prepared,” one father told me of the birth of his son. “I reckon chickens have the right idea – they just lay eggs!”
Indeed, some of the men in a UK survey on the topic reported being distressed over seeing their partners in pain and that they felt fearful and out of control. While these feelings are understandable, a little bit of pre-bub preparation can go a long way…
GALLERY: What happens straight after birth?
Training daysIf your man is fearful during the birth process his anxiety may affect you, so it’s important to explore any fears he may have before the fact. As you prepare to welcome bub, strive to be honest and open with each other about how you’re feeling.
Like anything, you need information to make decisions and be prepared, so it’s a good idea to attend antenatal classes as a couple. When choosing classes, make sure they focus on the emotional aspects of birth and not just the medical. Topics including the change in the male role and relationships, attitudes towards work and coping with stress should be covered as well as what to expect during labour. Learning what things he can do to support you through the process will also help your partner feel more confident.There are also classes and workshops run specifically for expectant daddies, including Beer+Bubs workshops, which are held in the friendly environment of local pubs around the country.
If he’s unable or reluctant to attend classes, try to get your partner reading about labour and birth (there are some great books out there specifically for dads) or even watching videos on the topic – anything that will stimulate discussion about the event. It may also be helpful to get him to the hospital for a tour so he knows how to get there and where to go when you’re in labour.
Role modelsUK research has identified the main roles men assume during labour and birth. These include ‘the coach’, who is an active participant and assistant, the ‘team mate’, who responds to the needs of his partner both emotionally and physically, and the ‘witness’, who is present to observe and give moral support. The type and quality of the relationship you have with your partner will guide how and whether your man will be present at the birth of bub.
Decide now what role you’d like your partner to play during the big event (the hands-on ‘coach’, the helpful ‘team mate’ or the well-wishing ‘witness’) and set him on the right path to preparing for this all-important role. In a nutshell, men need to feel valued and that they have what it will take to support their partners through major life events. With a bit of preparation and the right training, you’ll both be on your way to a beautiful birth experience!
More on relationships:
0 Comments