Over-Involved Grandparents
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- Posted Fri 01 Feb 2013 11:25
I need help. My bf& I are expecting in June&I have a little boy(3 in Mar)from be we were together.Back in Oct when we announced our pregnancy,his mom brought up the idea of us finding a house together to help ease some financial strain for a while.Seemed like a great idea at the time but now that we've been living in this new house together since Dec 1..it's NOT working for me,AT ALL!!! His mom truly loves my son like he's her own blood...and I appreciate that considering he's only had my 2 sets of parents.My MAIN issue (the only 1 I'm gonna tackle now) is that she spends WAY TOO MUCH TIME WITH MY SON. It makes me feel like an inadequate mother, like I can't do anything right. She even took another day off work. WTH? (she now works 4 days a week) so I have less time for 1 on 1.EVERY morning,she takes over brekky,everynight b4 bed its upstairs in their living room he goes to spend his time b4 bed.She already raised a kid and had this quality time...it's MY turn,my son will only be little once!What makes this worse4me, is my hubby thinks I'm selfish.Nobody seems 2 understand or appreciate,that for the first 2yrs of my sons life, it was JUST him and I. We were so close& had lots of one-on-one time. I understand it's important we aren't together 24/7, but I barely get any time with him..she's always wanting to take him here and there&it's freaking me out about what it's gonna be like once the new baby comes.I didnt need help raising my son,I'm certainly not going to need constant meddling about the new baby.When I try to talk to my bf about how I feel he tells me I'm over-reacting,that I'm crazy,that if I say anything I'gonna push his mother away and she's not gonna want anything to do with my son.He gives no moral,loving support or back-up.I'm just at the point I don't know how this relationship can continue when the 1 person I should feel has my back,never does. Please help, I'm going crazy. - Posted Thu 07 Feb 2013 08:47
Grandparents fall head over heels in love with their grandchildren. Every time they look at them it's love at first sight all over again and they become besotted with them. They're in the baby and childrens dept's scooping up every cute item they can get their hands on. If you watch her looking at your child you'll see the soppiest grins on her face as she observes every little movement of your child. They are in a world of their own. Having enlightened you to this, you are not being selfish wanting one on one, wanting to do breakfast, wanting to love your child also. I would suggest gently speaking to grandma and just letting her know that you are also besotted with your little one and want to enjoy these precious moments too. Once gone you can never turn the clock back. Acknowledge her "besottedness" give her feedback on the wonder and love you see her sharing and let her know you feel the same. There is room for everyone to love a child, and children need everyones love so that they can grow into healthy loving adults with the most beautiful memories and their nan's, pop's, uncles, aunties and especially their Mum and Dad's.
I have 13 grandchildren and I am besotted with each and i am besotted with each and everyone of them. In my first few years of grandparenthood I was beside myself with loving them and I got very little done. When the first one was born I physically felt my heart "unzip" and all this love flowed out. What a gift!!! But, we are the grandparents and must share this precious gift of loving children with the parents and particularly their mums. so talk it over with her. I hope i have been able to help. Take care and walk strong :):) - Posted Fri 08 Feb 2013 09:41I know how destructive this can be, grandparents need to have a book on consideration to the mother of your grand child having been mothers our selves I find it hard to excuse over the top
grand mothers yes its a new love we have in our lives for these
little ones, Our role is to be supportive NOT take over, I lived with my two additional beautiful family members my beautiful
daughter in law and grand daughter and yes my heart was so
full of love for my grand daughter BUT we can never loose sight of the fact of the importance of the mother child relationship and we have to fit in some where around this. I feel blessed that my maternal instincts were strong enough to give this consideration to my daughter in law and respect her rights as a mother, and now always advise grand mothers to be that we are a part of this wonderful journey with the permission of the mothers, it really only takes reflection on our own maternal feelings to give these considerations and your daughter in laws will love you for the support not resent you for overtaking.
Hopefully with the arrival of the new baby this relationship will find a new grounding you will be so busy and grateful for the available time nan has, Even greater if nans could see really being a supportive grand parent should include assistance with the laundry etc to give the mum more time for quality time. And what about Dad does having his mum do so much mean less demands placed on him to help out as would be the case if it were just the two of you with the children.
Reading your distress call makes me so grateful for my insight to my role as grandmother and the wonderful relationship I managed to have with my daughter in law, that we were to loose all too soon to cancer, and now bringing up her beautiful child my daughter in laws place is never forgotten she is and always will be my grand daughters mother.
Nanna
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