You know the feeling: a friend announces that she’s having a baby and the sight of her ultrasound picture suddenly has you blubbering and dripping tears all over your sleeping newborn’s face. I’m normally quite unemotional, I guess. But since I had my baby it’s been ridiculous. I find myself weeping over the silliest things, and marvelling at how this baby of mine could have grown so perfectly from a single cell. It’s as if my emotions have been completely amped up.
Tiani, mum of Sebastian, aged 2
The heightened state of emotion in early motherhood can take you completely by surprise as you seesaw from feeling utterly protective towards your baby to feeling extremely vulnerable, from seeing amazing beauty in a butterfly to feeling paralysed by fear. These feelings can also seem so random you might at times wonder if you’re losing touch with reality or your own previously rational personality.
Fear not, because this is perfectly natural and as the months go by, the emotional highs and lows will feel less dramatic. But expect to watch news bulletins that involve a child being hurt with tears in your eyes, and don’t be surprised if you now care deeply about the world your child will grow up in.
Blame it on the chemicalsDuring the last trimester of your pregnancy, your brain mixes up a virtual mummy margarita of hormones to ensure you bond with and care for your baby. These surge through your body at higher levels immediately after birth and while you are cuddling or feeding your baby. They promote loving feelings towards him and encourage tender nurturing. They also tend to slow you down so you can live in the present as you get to know him. “It freaked me out a bit at first, but then I went with the feeling of being in a beautiful bubble with my baby,” says Katie. “Later, I realised it got me through some tough times. I would never have thought it possible that I could get up three times during the night to feed my baby without complaint and sit gazing at her happily for half the day. I normally need eight hours of uninterrupted sleep and can’t sit still for more than five minutes.” Don’t be worried, either, if your emotional reaction to motherhood isn’t as profound as other new mums. We’re all different in our hormonal make-up and our personal situations.
On the other hand, if you find the dramatic highs and lows too extreme and utterly overwhelming, seek the help of friends and family, rather than soaring and plummeting in silence, and get professional help sooner than later. But on those days when everything seems to be conspiring against youand your hormones aren’t helping, a good cry and a lie down can be the best medicine.
“Like the day I was trying to get us to mothers’ group, Sebastian wouldn’t stop grizzling, and I stepped in cat poop in my last pair of clean socks,” shares Tiani. “I was absolutely paralysed by my emotions. By the time I’d cleaned up and had a good cry, all I could manage was to snuggle up with him in bed. And that made it all better, for that day.”
Pinky McKay is a certified lactation consultant, infant massage instructor, author and mother of five. Visit her website: www.pinkymckay.com.au
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