She's got more than sex on the brain

The reason You may have mid-week "tension release" on your mind, but we're in mental meltdown thinking about work, bills or wardrobe choices.

Figures from the Office of National Statistics in the UK show one-in-eight women between the age of 16 and 50 had no sex last year. Stress is a proven sex-drive zapper and US psychologist Dr Brent Bost recently coined the term "Hurried Woman Sydrome" to describe a generation juggling work, romance, social life and family.

The UK's e-health information service NHS Direct list tiredness, sleeping problems and lack of appetite as top stress symptoms. Also look for an increase in irritability. Yes, an increase.

Change her mind "Women need to feel close to be aroused, so listen to her problems before making a play," suggests Val Sampson, couples counsellor and author of Tantra: The Art of Mind-blowing Sex. "A woman's brain is her biggest sexual organ - engage it."

Make her feel she's the centre of attention and you'll generate the requisite intimacy. You could also mention that research from the University of Paisley in the UK found women were less stressed after penetrative sex, due to the release of calming hormones.

Silk cut and chardonnay

The reason "Excessive smoking can reduce oestrogen while alcohol saps testosterone," says Ian Marber, a nutritionist and co-founder of The Food Doctor. Bad news as both are key ingredients in your lady's erotic stew. And despite the obvious short-term aphrodisiacal qualities of half a bottle of white, booze also dehydrates, depleting vaginal fluids and making sex less comfortable.

"A combination of bad diet, alcohol and cigarettes will hit hormone levels and consequently libido," warns Marber, clearly not someone who has bought into the whole James Bond thing.

Change her mind Sneakily boost her sex drive by cooking dinner. The Karma Sutra suggests the practical and appetising aphrodisiacal menu of goat's testicle boiled in sweetened milk with sparrows' eggs, rice, butter and honey.

Thankfully, Marber recommends a more scientific approach. "Prawns, sesame seeds, fish and avocados are all good, especially prawns as they contain phenylalanine which boosts mood and sexual appetite."

And don't forget after-dinner coffee. A study in The Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behaviour Journal found caffeine boosts female libido.

The no-Lynx effect

The reason A recent survey by That's Life magazine in the UK found more women would excuse a man whispering his former flame's name in the throes of passion than would forgive bad personal hygiene. And if she's particularly fragrant and well-trimmed, she'll have high standards for you.

Change her mind Turn yourself heteropolitan - not too groomed, but sporting good, clean skin, hair and nails - says Jason Shankley, grooming star on Ten Years Younger, a makeover TV series in the UK.

He advises washing your hair daily, a light application of a musky scent and investing in a department store skincare consultation. And for when thing's get more intimate, trim that undergrowth. "No need for the back-sack-and-crack wax, but a number two - about six millimetres - on the pubic hair goes down well."

She's a touch tender

The reason A German study found 90 per cent of women believe tenderness is important, compared to only 25 per cent of men.

Change her mind "Stroke her underarm from the heel of her palm to the elbow with a delicate, but insistent touch," says Phillip Hodson, Fellow of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy and author of How Perfect is Your Partner?

And take a leaf out of the Sapphic book: "Lesbians take four times as long as men on foreplay," says Hodson. And they work in minutes, not seconds, gentlemen.

The up side of fear

The reason Even pant-shirking Paris Hilton admitted she'd rather watch telly - and she's not alone. The UK's Office of National Statistics' Time Use Survey found women spend, on average, two-hours-and-25-minutes a day in front of the box. You can see when you're losing the attention battle with Australian Idol. And be fair . . . consider your own romantic inclination during The Footy Show.

Change her mind Get on the sofa and suggest watching something scary. US sex researchers Aron and Dutton found fear raises arousal and attraction. "Scaring people turns them on," echoes Tracey Cox, author of Supersex. "Fear tricks the body into recreating that feeling at the beginning of a relationship when you're infused with love hormones." Rollercoasters will have the same effect.

She needs an ego boost

The reason Research at the University of Glasgow in Scotland found women are 10 times more likely to be unhappy with their bodies than men. And if we're feeling fat, we're not feeling sexy.

If she checks out other women and compares herself unfavourably, is reluctant to let you see her naked and likes her sex in the dark, she's got an image issue.

Change her mind Build her confidence with positive feedback, without mentioning sex. Dr Max Biddulph from the Centre of Human Relations at The University of Nottingham in the UK says: "Successful relationships need compliments. But they must seem genuine." Tell her she looks great in that T-shirt or your mate asked after the long-legged fox, but don't then go straight for a fumble.

You think she's a porn star

The reason Sexual opportunities in the plumbing profession aren't the only myth perpetuated by blue movies. A study by "feminine arousal fluid" manufacturers Zestra found 18 per cent of young women fake orgasms, yet porn would have us believe a quick burst of penis-thrusting achieves a multiple. Does she encourage you to finish? Her Rampant Rabbit could be coming out of her drawers more than you get in them.

Change her mind "Those urgent thrusts mimic the masturbatory stroke of a man's hand - they're not what a woman wants," says Val Sampson. "They're not stimulating the most sexually sensitive first few centimetres of a woman's vagina." Next time you get the chance, practice a slow, circular, screwing motion that concentrates on pressing against the walls of the vagina rather than thrusting deeply, says Sampson. And tease her by pressing against the vagina entrance. You're more likely to be let in by knocking than trying to kick the door in.