We polled 1000 women to find out where they would most like to get down to business. Here are the top 15 locations - and how you can get the very best out of them
6% want it . . .
In the wild
Pegging down is the new bedding down. Happy camping . . .
Michelle Waitzman, author of Sex in a Tent: A Wild Couple's Guide to Getting Naughty in Nature, has exercised an almost obsessive devotion to finding the best tent for outdoor excursions. Listen up:
"The Hubba Hubba by MSR seems to be made for sex. It's very roomy, which will make navigating any tricky moves much easier and the high ceilings mean you aren't going to bring the thing down with a flailing leg. The breathable material makes for good ventilation, too.
"Create some ambiance by placing a scarf or bandana over a flashlight hung from the tent ceiling. But be aware if you're camping near others as this will create some interesting shadow puppets on the walls." (Find it at evosport.com.au; tent plus footprint $622.90.)
If you're fretting about the cold, buy a BlackWolf Double Take sleeping bag (everythingaustralian.com.au; $95.50) - you can use it as two single bags, zip it together as a double or place one inside the other to provide an extra warm single. "And use a condom," says Waitzman. "This isn't a safe sex lecture; liquids can ruin the lining of a sleeping bag."
9% want it . . .
In the roomiest back seat on the road
It may be safe and a little boring, but the Volvo's XC70, with its spacious back seats, was recently crowned the sexiest car. According to a UK survey of 4000 people by car insurer yesinsurance.co.uk, not only does the extra boot space mean you can fit a surfboard, a snowboard, or - hell - an ironing board in the back, it also makes the perfect shaggin' wagon.
The dimensions of the back seat are a cavernous 1100 x 1000 x 1434 millimetres, which gives you far more space for those tricky manoeuvres than your average set of wheels. Obviously you can get it on in any car, but you're just far less likely to get anything stuck in the electric window of a Volvo. Check out the Volvo XC70 at volvocars.com.au; from $58,950.
5% want it . . .
On the wing
Get her, rather than your limbs, in a twist, with a legitimate pass into the Mile High Club
Unless you are a contortionist or have a strange urge to sample foreign custody, forget trying to get it on in the Jetstar toilets. Instead, get hot in the air in Virgin Atlantic's rather more salubrious Upper Class.
"Why bother getting your leg stuck in an airlock toilet when airlines are actually starting to sanction membership of the Mile High Club?" says Yvonne Fulbright, author of Pleasuring: The Secrets of Sexual Satisfaction (Sterling/Ravenous). Four of VA's six Boeing 747-400 aircrafts now have double beds in their Upper Class Suite. At night the partition between the two seats is taken away and the gap is filled with a mattress, giving you two square metres of space to enjoy what they describe as "a more intimate flight".
Frankly, we'd find this hard to credit were it not for endorsement from bearded entrepreneur Sir Richard Branson: "The legitimate Mile High Club is finally aboard," he says. "You can do it on cruise ships, you can do it at home, so why shouldn't you be able to have relationships on planes?"
Well, quite. Just try to spare your fellow passengers the inconvenience of refastening their seatbelts due to violent turbulence. Upper Class return from Sydney to Kong Hong from around $6000. Beds subject to availability on check-in. Book at virgin-atlantic.com
12% want it . . .
With good vibes
Clean up your dirty mind with a session that will put you both in a spin
The refrigerator is too cold and the kitchen worktop is downright unhygienic - but she'll soon feel the good vibrations if you lift her up onto the washing machine and the higher the rotations per minute of the spin cycle the better (the average washing machine is around 1000 rpm, but some are higher).
"The added vibrations during spin cycle will provide additional stimulation to your partner's clitoris," says Emily Dubberley, author of Brief Encounters: The Women's Guide to Casual Sex. "And if you can manage to keep going through a whole whites wash, you'll certainly impress her with your stamina."
16% want it . . .
On the high street
Redeem your credit with her in a peeping tom's paradise
Shopping is literally a sex drug for women. "It gives the female brain a hit of dopamine, known as 'Shopper's High'," says David Lewis, author of The Soul of the New Consumer. "MRI studies of brain activity by University of Kentucky researchers suggest that this is linked to the anticipation of buying."
To link her dopamine rush to your urge to liven up an otherwise interminable trudge around retail hell, guide her towards the lacier section of your local department store and pick out something for her to try.
"Ask the shop assistant if you can go and see what her purchases look like and most will be fine with it," says Dr Sadie Allison, author of Tickle Your Fancy.
30% want it . . .
Provide her with enough length to get things wet and wild
"To a woman, a bubble bath is like a stress-elimination tank: it shuts out noise, work and responsibilities," says Dr Scott Haltzman, author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever. "One of the fundamentals of female sexual arousal is being able to push daily concerns and niggling tribulations out of her mind."
To tap into this element of her sexual psyche most effectively, it's worth splashing out on something that'll nurture her natural romantic associations with bath time.
A Laurel-Grande 1800 (Lanark.com.au) spa bath will put her in the mood. At 180 x 110 centimetres, it's made for two with dual head rest so you'll have enough space to manoeuvre your manly frame without getting your toe stuck in the tap - something that's bound to happen in a bog-standard bath (which comes in at just under 5ft 6in). Better still, its dual head rests and jet system mean there'll be no water fight over the best seat. If a new bathroom suite seems like a bit of a price to pay for a bunk-up, invest in some clary sage oil - aromatherapists endorse it as the best relaxant, which is guaranteed to get her in the mood for more than just a long soak in the tub.
8% want it . . .
On all floors
Threads from those "sheep lovers" will help turn your living room into a loving room
You're a man, she's a woman (right?). You're up for some post-dinner cardio, she's getting bored with Law & Order. But if you want to avoid regular carpet burns then you might want to think about swapping the shag pile for a carpet with a high proportion of natural wool, says Hans Lowe, export manager at Cavalier Carpets.
Wool is naturally flame resistant; it is difficult to ignite and has low flame spread and heat release properties.
"The softest wool is New Zealand wool, which is less likely to scratch or chafe," says Lowe. "But yarn density is even more important. A high-density carpet (1500g+) will be more forgiving. Although a shag pile has a long tuft length, the pile is not very dense. It may look soft but in truth, it will damage your skin. Go for the Cartouche 48 which is a Velour, 100% New Zealand wool carpet with a high yarn density (1628g)."
"The worst carpet type product to use would be Sea Grass or Sisal and Coir," he adds. "I speak from experience."
1% want it . . .
In a net
Spread your widest web and snare your ideal lady at the click of a button
Ask a girl in your local pub her bra size and what colour knickers she's wearing and you'll be picking up your front teeth before you've finished your beer. Go online, however, and to-the-point pick-up lines are par for the course. But unless you want CyberSlut999 to turn out to be a moustachioed manual labourer called Gerald, you need to pick an online pick-up joint with decent pedigree and a wealth of likeminded philanderers.
Look no further than Adultfriendfinder.com. "The key to its success lies in the integrity of your search criteria," says Dubberley. You can hunt down a match by cross-referencing every imaginable sexual specification, including everything from her geographical location to the specifics of her bra size. (Remember to tick the "no hairy palms" box.)
And if the expense of international travel makes a real-life liaison impractical, go for the Logitech QuickCam® Sphere AF webcam - darling of internet reviews due to its precise motion tracking, which leaves both hands free to do with as you please.
28% want it . . .
The best room in the house . . . pronto
"The anonymity of a hotel room appeals to her psychological need to escape the libido-killing stresses of everyday life," says Fulbright. Without wishing to make it too transactional, if you book her into some opulent suite, you're going to have a hard time getting her mind onto anything else. For luxurious accommodation Australia-wide, check out simplylush.com. Though, if spurging on the best room in the house means you'll be eating beans and toast for the next week, then you might find a deal at lastminute.com.au.
17% want it . . .
On their front
Go exploring for some al fresco action
With almost 25,700km of coastline and nearly 11,000 beaches, Australia offers you a wide array of locations for her next stimulation location. And it doesn't take a degree in geology to conclude that these are some of the finest beaches in the world. The best news is that only one in ten of those beaches are easily accessible and if you can make the effort to seek out a secluded bay, you'll carry out this order free of distractions and shocked passers by. Best be prepared with a rug, though, as getting sand where the sun doesn't shine isn't conducive to great sex. Also be prepared to run should the cops show up!
1% want it . . .
When Kylie said she wanted to "do the locomotion", this is what she had in mind
Doing it in grime-covered seats of an inner-city train is rather too literal a definition of dirty sex, so opt for the classier and more private option of the private cabin sleeper one of journeys offered by Great Southern Rail.
"Sex on the move works in tandem with her natural rhythm," says Dubberley. Check out the new platimum class offered on Great Southern Rail's The Ghan (Adelaide to Darwin).
At 3.65 x 2.1 metres, these rooms are almost twice the size of the standard Gold Twin Cabins and offer deluxe accommodation including double beds, spacious ensuite and 24-hour room service. You'll get a welcome drink and appetiser on arrival, an oversized panoramic window, binoculars and in-house entertainment, a writing desk, complimentary morning and afternoon tea and heaps more. The only thing they don't provide is the girl. Log on to gsr.com.au for more information.
3% want it . . .
Take your steer from the Scandinavians
A swinging motion is a no-brainer when it comes to good sex. But whichever way you look at it, there's no good way to have sex in a playground. So build your own in the comfort and legality of your own living room. A glance through the Ikea catalogue might suggest any number of options, but race past the Femmen Vag and Titta (no, really) and go for the hanging chair best known as the Svinga.
Sexual psychologist Jo Hemmings says: "Apart being ergonomically pleasing, this egg-shaped chair's appeal lies in the fact that this rocks gently and will adapt to your chosen rhythm during sex. It's also wipe-clean." Pick one up for $129 at ikea.com.au.
4% want it . . .
Put her through her paces and earn yourself the best sort of workout
Okay, so unless your local Fitness First doubles up as a sordid swingers' joint, (it doesn't) you're either going to have to be discreet about this or make the most of a more modest fitness set-up in your own home. So forget the hundreds of kinky things you could do with a calf-raise machine and settle instead for a Swiss ball.
"A strategically placed Swiss ball will improve the depth of penetration," says relationships adviser Peta Heskell. "The curve of the ball will make sure you slide deeper inside her. You can hold her hips for balance and use the rocking motion of the ball to thrust in and out of her from behind."
The result: deeper penetration for her, a core muscle workout for you and continuing good relations with your local fitness emporium. Buy one at fitball.com.au .
11% want it . . .
To be well hung
Two trees are better than one. Whether you "swing" in them is up to you
For out-of-doors aficionados, catching your girl in a jumbo-sized hammock will bring you nice and close. They're more than 4m long and hold up to 350 kilograms of thrashing bodies. In fact, they could comfortably cope with three of you, if that's what you're about. Compare that with a standard single hammock, which holds less than half of that at 120kg - perilously close to breaking threshold when accommodating two relatively slender consenting adults.Proceed with caution, as hammocks may now be build to handle your whole catalogue of positions. Find one at hammockhq.com.