Amp up the adrenaline
Danger is a powerful aphrodisiac - so raise your adrenaline levels (which creates a similar chemical reaction to having sex) with some risky behaviour. Try something adventurous - whether it's rock climbing or visiting a sex shop. "Do it with your partner and you'll associate the feelings with him," says sexologist Dr Gabrielle Morrissey.Be nice
Women can be very critical, says Anne Hollonds, CEO of Relationships Australia NSW. She adds that it's easy to compare your relationship to other, seemingly perfect, ones - but criticism creates a "cycle of negativity" that dampens attraction. Praise your partner regularly, agrees Sydney psychologist John Aiken. It'll make him feel good and remind you what you love about him. Aiken suggests that a simple text, "to say you're thinking about your partner, rather than just reminding him to buy milk", can reinvigorate your relationship.Get physical
More than half of women worry about their bodies during sex, according to the 2009 marie claire sex survey - and a US study shows that women gain up to 11kg in the first five years of marriage**. "If you're down about your body, it distracts from the enjoyment of making love," notes Dr Morrissey. Exercise will make you feel better about your body and produce endorphins. Encourage him to exercise, too - a rise in a man's BMI of just four points can have the same effect on testosterone levels as ageing 10 years.†Take time out
Nearly 40 per cent of Australian couples report that "lack of time together" is the major cause of unhappiness in their relationship.‡ "Sexual intimacy often falls to the bottom of the 'to do' list," observes Dr Morrissey. "But think of it this way: you're putting watching TV or surfing the internet above a passionate, fulfilling relationship." Try new things together - research has shown that new experiences produce dopamine and norepinephrine, the same chemicals that flood the brain when you first fall in loveTime to call in the professionals?
Three things you need to know before you consider seeking couples counselling ...
Three things you need to know before you consider seeking couples counselling ...
- Don't wait too long to ask for help: It take couples seven years, on average, to seek help after problems first arise, according to Hollonds, who asks: "Would you avoid the dentist until your tooth was rotten?" The quicker you get help, the quicker you'll have the tools to work with.
How to sell it to your partner: Reframe counselling as "relationship coaching". Tell him you want your relationship to be the best that it can be, so he sees coaching as a positive step, making your chances of success higher. Visit www.relationships.com.au or www.psychology.org.au for more details.
Be positive when you broach the subject: Instead of laying blame - for example, "You always do this"; "You never do that" - take responsibility and invite your partner in. Try something like: "I'm concerned about our relationship, and I'd like to get some help. I think relationship coaching could help."
*Money, Sex and Happiness: An Empirical Study, 2004. **The Obesity Society, 2007. †Massachusetts male aging study, 2009. ‡Relationships Australia, Relationships Ondicators Survey 2006. State University of New York, 2008
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