“When the topic of mismatched libidos comes up, we’re more likely to picture a randy husband badgering his wife for a quickie than a woman dejectedly stuffing lingerie back into the bottom drawer,” Stephanie Clifford-Smith wrote in this month’s marie claire. “But for some wives, girlfriends and partners, it’s the other way around.”
According to a survey by an online pharmacy in the UK, 62% of men turn down sex more frequently than their female partner, with work stress and tiredness cited as the most common excuses.
In reality though, the top ‘sexcuses’ are actually code for a lack of body confidence (35%) and a low libido (35%).
Sex therapist and relationship counsellor Pamela Supple says there are many other reasons a man’s libido might take a dive. These include depression, financial worries and alcohol, but a long-term soft-on might also be a sign of a low testosterone level.
“Men feel disillusioned with themselves when they can’t meet the sexual demands of their lusty partners, but they’re unlikely to talk about it because they worry it will make them seem less manly,” Supple told marie claire recently.
According to the results of the online survey, 42 per cent of men claim they have sex with their partner just once a fortnight, while 25 per cent claimed to be intimate with their other half on average once a month.
“I was astonished at the resilience of the men,” she says. “Many were willing to risk rejection time and time again and still come back for more. ‘Every ten times I might be lucky!’ said one man. But the women were far more likely to turn the rejection back on themselves, wondering what was wrong with them; why didn’t their partners find them attractive? It shattered their self-esteem and left them feeling unwanted, undesirable and unloved.”