Hello Miss Cougar.  Before you take offence, why not take this as a compliment! You really are in high demand in today’s society—there are conventions held just for you, and you are lauded by hundreds of women out there seeking a sense of justice.  You are a trend-setter, helping right the imbalance created by men over the ages who seek girls young enough to be their daughters. 

Demi Moore certainly had no problem with the Cougar name tag. Yet, as we now know, her marriage with Ashton wasn’t all fun and adventure. It came with a bagful of challenges. Was this a reflection of their age difference or did age gap having nothing to do with their relationship demise? One thing is noticable, Demi has faced body image issues that would not have been helped by all those smooth skinned 20-somethings vying for Ashton’s attention.

There are many benefits to dating a younger man if you have sound self-esteem, and you and your man are compatible in other important ways. However, if hanging out with his much younger female friends is sending you neurotic or your maturity levels keep clashing then perhaps you need to consider the long-term realities of your relationship. Below are five tips to help facilitate a healthy relationship.

5 Tips for Dating a Younger Man

1.    Enjoy the new lease on life.

Dating a younger man can bring a new freshness to your life that you haven’t experienced for a while. Younger men often bring out the adventuress in their female lovers, inspiring their joie de vivre all over again.  Presuming he has the energy of youth (and isn’t a cranky mature aged 20-something) your relationship may inject you with a renewed love for all that is possible in life.  And all that rapid beating and fluttering must be good for your cardiovascular health! Being with a younger man is likely to bring with it a more active lifestyle of someone in their youth (including the added bonus of a very active sex life). Take advantage of this time, but temper it with a balanced approach to your responsibilities. There are consequences of every lifestyle choice, so make sure you’re focusing on both the short and long-term ones.

2.    Fuel your confidence.

It is said that many younger men find older women hot, and feel a sense of adoration for their mature lover. Initially this can be fabulous for your self-esteem as he dotes on your womanliness and shows you off to his mates. Enjoy this feeling, lap it up in fact, your womanliness is something to be proud of.

On the flip side, also be aware that you will be socialising with women half your age who look sensational in their beach bikini bods. This is nothing to be afraid of—unless of course—you have body image issues or insecurities that you can’t compete. Remember you are only going to age with time at a faster rate than he, and no matter how gracefully you do so, if you’re battling with self-esteem this can end in disaster. Strengthen your sense of security in your body, and ensure you know he loves you for you. This is enough. But you’re the one who has to believe it.

3.    Share your experience, as a lover not a mother.

According to several psychological theories, most men, young and old, are searching for a mother substitute.  Dating an older woman can fill this fantasy a little too readily. Make sure you share your experiences and wisdom as a peer, not as a mother figure. As soon as you get a whiff of this feeling, move away. Do not treat him as less mature or responsible and refuse to adopt a mothering role. Come from the place of the Lover and only that. Keep it light, sweetheart!

4.    Accept there will be criticism.

An offhanded comment from a colleague that your son is waiting for you at reception may be funny in the beginning but will you be ok to deflect this criticism for years to come? Really, it should not matter what others think about your relationship. The people you love will know the depth and compatibility of your relationship with time so what does it matter what every other Joe thinks? Develop a thick skin to outside criticism. It can be helpful to remember that they’re probably jealous or threatened, and that it says more about them than it does about you. Remaining unaffected is the best defence… poke fun at their lack of progress when you get home, while making wild passionate love with your youthful prize in every room you can find (what better revenge I say)!

5.    Establish friendships you both love.

Dating a younger man can mean hanging out with friends in younger phases of life than you. This can add a bit of fun and humour to your relationship but can also get boring if you don’t balance it out with some more mature conversation. Enjoy the time you spend with friends a little younger and don’t judge them or expect them to be more mature than their current life stage. Let’s be honest, it doesn’t matter what one’s age, anyone can fail to click with their partners friends. Do make sure you also develop a couple of friendships that really work for both of you—sharing a hobby you both love, or providing intellectual stimulation in something you find fascinating. The best antidote is to fill your life with an array of friends that provide different types of stimulation in your life.

6.    Understand each other’s goals and values.

A real future with a much younger man can look distant, and even non-existent!  Ah, yes… what to do about wedding bells and dirty diapers in the near future? This is one you will have to work around. The readiness to settle down is not age specific. Plenty of men in their 20’s desire their own flock and plenty of others who have hit the 40 year mark still resist the demand of matrimony. However, the reality is that if you date a younger man it is likely he will lag in the readiness to settle down. So you must be honest with yourself about how long you are willing to wait. Make sure you are heading in at least a similar direction together. Do you have the same goals and aspirations? It’s pretty important.

Author of De-stress Your Success: Get More of What You Want with Less Time, Stress and Effort, Sacha Crouch is a business, executive and life coach who helps people create the work and lives they love. For other free lifestyle resources visit www.activ8change.com.au