Just about every person asked will give you a different answer to this question! Some believe if the guy doesn’t ask the girl than he misses the vital chasing stage to keep him keen, others profess there is nothing quite like the confidence of a gal who goes after what she wants.

So how do you make a winning choice?

The answer lies in deciding what works best for who you are. You can succeed in love with either approach, or even by varying your approach depending on the guy. Below are several ideas to help you decide what you should do with your next crush.

How to decide whether to ask him out?

1.    Are you Victorian or progressive?

This is a question only you can answer, not even your best friend knows the solution to this one.  Are you traditional or do you believe that anything goes in the modern day and age of women’s liberation?  If you inhabit the middle of the road then perhaps it’s best to veer towards the Victorian because you may never be satisfied with less than a man on bended knee with a huge rock, somewhere on the horizon… if not already in his pocket.

2.    What is your intention?

Are you searching for “The One” and think this man might be him?  If this is just a casual date, then, it doesn’t really matter who asks who or if you are even turned down.  There are many cures for a slightly bruised ego!  However, if you have your whole heart and soul into this man, then you want to tread more carefully.

3.    What society do you belong to?

Your background plays a huge role in your orientation in these matters.  If you belong to a modern culture and many of your relatives and friends have done something like this with much success, then go for it.  There are enough precedents and encouragers to boost your morale.  If you belong to a more reticent culture, then, spend the time contemplating the effects of what you are about to do—not just for yourself but also for the man of interest. Would it bruise his cultural ego or leave you feeling guilt or shame? Would it send a message you do not really want to send?

4.    How much do you know about the boy in question?

Does he seem like a fun, easygoing sort of person who would be pleased and even honoured to have you ask him out?  Or does he possess a stiff upper lip and is he very “Propah”? A friend of mine’s wife asked him to marry her, and to this day he resents the fact. He wanted to ask her the big question, and feels like he missed out on something important to him in their life together.

5.    How will you cope if the answer is a “no”?

Are you able to be casual about the invitation, and a potential rejection?  If you make it into a big deal, you may put unnecessary pressure on both yourself and him and make things awkward. And if he says no, or gives a signal that he considers you only as a friend, how will you cope?

6.    Are you confident or needy?

If there is even a trace of neediness in you, even if this is your first date in three years, you HAVE to come across as confident!  There is nothing worse than the desperate vibe emanating from someone.  The desperate cat never gets the cream…which can be used as a metaphor here—the confident girl wins the hunk, even if she isn’t the hottest by general standards. If asking him out stems from desperation rather than confidence you may need to reconsider your strategy.

7.    Remember that you are the prize. 

You are worthy of being pursued.  Leading relationship expert Christian Carter says that you should give a man the chance to miss you, give him the pleasure of pursuing you.  If he is indeed The One, then neither hell nor high water will keep him from getting to you!  If you bow down to him right at the start, you might be setting the tone for your entire life. If you end up marrying him, do you want your love story to read that you made the first move? 

On the flipside, you live only once, so if it feels right then why not take the plunge!  Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right. The choice is yours, so do what feels good for you not just today while you want the man in your arms, but for the long-haul if he turns out to be the permanent fixture by your side.

Author of De-stress Your Success: Get More of What You Want with Less Time, Stress and Effort, Sacha Crouch is a business, executive and life coach who helps people create the work and lives they love. For other free lifestyle resources visit www.activ8change.com.au and www.de-stressyoursuccess.com