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So I’ve been home for a few weeks and it’s funny how every time I come back from the US, the difference between countries in my field of study, (love, sex, relationships and dating) become more evident. So what did I find out this time? Well my attraction to American men was once again confirmed, but it was the difference in how I came across these men that intrigued me. There are two possible scenarios that became clear:
1. There really is different behaviour when it comes to sex and dating in the US, and2. I was away on holidays, being more relaxed and confident (and also spent a substantial amount of time with a cocktail in my hand which might have led me to experience the effects of alcohol fuelled confidence).
But even if it was a case of the second scenario, doesn’t it go to show you that when attempting the pick up of the opposite sex, if we relaxed a bit more, had a bit more fun, then maybe we could increase our odds of success. (I don’t encourage using alcohol as a pick up device but two drinks might help settle the nerves). I think there was another factor at play here too. Because I only flit in and out of the US, I am less fussy with the men I date (or play with) there. Unlike back home, I know there is very little possibility of a future with any of these men, so I enjoy their company while I'm there and then kiss them goodbye (and maybe kiss them hello as well!). There is yet another lesson in this too. Some of us hold tight lists of what Prince Charming should be, look like and act. I’m not suggesting that you compromise on what you want or your values and morals, but do challenge the characteristics on your list of desires. It might just mean you open up the pool to more eligible bachelors who could also make you happy.Sacha Crouch: Is perfectionism keeping you single?
Now back to the first scenario; is there an actual difference in dating and pick up behaviours between Australia and the US? There seems to be more of an active dating culture in the US compared to here in our land down under, where it is more about making friends, hanging out and possibly a hook up before any sort of dating occurs. Are we too casual for our own good? There is a certain old-fashioned charm about some of these US men mixed with a modern twist. Let's take my experience in New York for example. Within five minutes of sitting down at a bar with my friend, a man came up and said, “hello ladies, we have a table over there...would you like to come and join us for a drink?” There was nothing sleazy about this. He was a man dressed in a suit and the offer was genuine, gentle with no sexual innuendos attached to it. (Not to say that all men dressed in suits are gentlemen). We sat down with the man and his friends and proceeded to have intellectual, alcohol-influenced conversation with our new friends - always a good combination!
Yes, I might have met a nice young boy at this table who I later got to know on an more intimate level, but this was not before we spoke about everything from love to life to what our deepest desires were. I wasn’t even sure until the moment he placed his lips on mine that there was something more to the conversation. I did't feel pressured or hassled, but thought someone was genuinely interested in what I had to say. I’m not saying that this doesn’t happen back home, but there seems to be more sexual pressure attached to any approaches or advances from the opposite sex. I sometimes feel that men down under are more interested in knowing you on a sexual level before knowing you as a person, friend or potential partner. Women don’t want the pressure of sex first (even if we are up for it) but want to be respected and intellectually seduced before any physical contact is on offer. We are more than sexual beings, we are people with substance too (well maybe not all of us, sorry girls).Gallery: 7 worst first date mistakes
So the advice I give to men down under is be confident enough to go up to a girl and just say "hi" for no other reason but she intrigues you and you want to get to know her better or hear what she has to say. Focus on those women who interest you, and not those that fit the mould of what you think should be sexually desirable. You never know where the conversation will go or who this person will turn out to be. Sexual connection after all is mental as well as physical. If you end up bedding someone who is stereotypically “hot” but with minimal going on upstairs, then sexual pleasure might be limited. (I say go for hot and smart ones instead - did I mention I’m a doctor...!).
Be a gentleman and treat her like a lady. Women are stronger these days and many women will take the lead or give you a great big hint when they are interested in a more sexual way. But be careful not to bombard them with the ideas that come from your down-below. It is a balance between being interested and showing her you respect her thoughts and boundaries and making your intentions known. (I'm very happy right now I’m not a guy, it sounds difficult!).
So what now for me? I'll take what I learn on my journeys and try to not only educate you but apply it in my own life. I am human and make the same mistakes as everyone else, but I am trying to kill bad habits and learn from life experiences, or what I like to call “on the job research”. You never know what I will learn next (or get up to in the quest for answers).
Last week: Don't be a bridezilla
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