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Many women equate “bad boys” with excitement, confidence and charm yet equate “nice guys” with neediness and boredom. Yet this black and white thinking is not a true reflection of the male sex at all.
There are plenty of great guys out there who are confident in themselves without being needy and exhibit the same exciting sex appeal as the bad boy but don’t come with all the disrespect. Stereotypical “nice guys” and “bad boys” are two extreme sides of a range of male personalities. There are plenty of amazing men that fall somewhere in the middle.
If you always seem to attract the bad boys, it likely says more about you than it does about men. It may surprise you to hear that the solution to this addiction lay in strengthening your own sense of self. Below are five common reasons women become addicted to bad boys and what you can do to start allowing a better man into your life.
Five Reasons You’re Addicted to Bad Boys:
1. You’re addicted to drama
Drop the addiction to drama! Excitement is a cheap thrill; love is a long-lasting affair with the senses. Part of the bad boy appeal is that a relationship with this type of guy creates excitement and drama in one’s life. Learn to create your own sense of excitement and find ways to feel alive that involve being treated well rather than badly. Go for happiness rather than excitement. It’s the small daily joys that bring true happiness to our lives.
2. You ignore your intuition
Listen to your intuition as it knows best. Our beloved women’s intuition enables us to pick up the “bad boy” scent from a mile away. Unfortunately, women addicted to bad boys often push aside their gut feelings because they want to satisfy their immediate feelings of desire. Yes it feels good to be swooned and charmed, but you must be willing to pay attention to the truth if you desire to break your addiction. Your gut feelings never lie, and if you want to be happy long term – tune in! Learn to spot a bad boy from a distance, and run, so you don’t have a chance to be lust-crazed.
3. You misunderstand the alternative
The stereotypical “nice guy” who is desperate for your approval and tries too hard to win you over is not the alternative to a bad boy. There are vast grey areas in between these two extremes and you can find confident, sexy, exciting and good. A truly nice guy loves you for you, wants you to be happy, and cares about your needs as well as his own. Look for a guy who has the strength in himself that you find sexy without the extra baggage that stops him from loving you the way you deserve.
4. You struggle to receive
Women find it particularly difficult to be nurtured, loved and spoilt. We are so used to giving that we tend to find it hard to be doted on profusely. Throw in a slight fear of being unlovable, and you have the recipe for choosing bad boys who are not emotionally available, and who cheat and lie. If you want to let go of the bad boy addiction you’ve got to heal you own inability to receive love. As they say, you can’t truly love anyone else until you first love yourself.
5. You’re convinced by charm
If he says all the right things but does all the wrong things, there’s a pretty good chance he isn’t worth keeping. Actions speak louder than words. If you’re addicted to being told what you want to hear in order to feel good about yourself, you’re susceptible to the bad boy charm. How do you get over it? Expect more than just words, demand mutual respect, love, loyalty and kindness. If you’re not getting that, what good is the charm?
Last week: How to take criticism gracefully
Author of De-stress Your Success: Get More of What You Want with Less Time, Stress and Effort, Sacha Crouch is a business, executive and life coach who helps people create the work and lives they love. For other free lifestyle resources visit www.activ8change.com.au.
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