Ouch #1: Bruise
Overly enthusiastic thrusting, groping, kissing or sucking can result in an unwelcome shine or the dreaded hickey.
Fix it It's a bummer - a bruise usually lasts a couple of weeks. But decreasing blood flow to the area will limit its size, says Dr Jeffrey Bytomski, a physician at Duke University Medical Centre, US. Do this: ice the bruise for 20 to 30 minutes three times a day for first two days and wrap it with a bandage.
Next time There's no preventing the odd bruise in the sack. But if your slender beau's pelvic bone juts into you, place a folded fleece scarf at the point of impact (use it later around his wrists). And if he attacks your neck like Tom Cruise in Interview With a Vampire, break out the garlic and run. (Are you listening, Katie?)

Ouch #2: Overextended muscle You contorted Cirque du Soleil-style last night, and today you feel like you scaled Mount Everest.
Fix it Rest and stretch. To ease any soreness still lingering 24 to 36 hours later, apply heat for 20 to 30 minutes, two or three times a day, Dr Bytomski says. But if you're too lame to even consider bedroom gymnastics after 24 hours, see a GP to rule out a torn muscle.
Next time Stay limber with this full-body move four times a week, says yoga instructor Kristin McGee. Frog Pose: squat, bending your knees out to the sides at 90° angles and rest your forearms on the floor. Gently press your bum down. Hold for 30 to 60 seconds.

Ouch #3: Rug burn
Carpets aren't the only offenders. Wood floors, sheets and even the backseat of your VW can rub your skin the wrong way.
Fix it Clean the wound with soap and warm water, air dry and apply an antibiotic ointment like Neosporin. Cover with a non-stick bandage to keep the spot clean, Dr Bytomski says. Change it daily, removing it for good once a scab forms.
Next time Switch to high-thread-count sheets. Higher equals softer. Or toss a cushy blanket like the Fascinator Throe ($190, mysecretplace.com.au) over any surface you tumble on. Avoid anything made from terry cloth or scratchy wool.

Ouch #4: Vaginal irritation
It happens when (a) you aren't lubricated enough, (b) you have a bad reaction to a lube or a vibrator or (c) he didn't wash his hands well enough after slicing a chilli (true story).
Fix it Thanks to its cell-shedding process and natural cleansing acids, your vagina is self-healing. Avoid inserting anything (including his penis, tampons or vibrators) for 48 hours - the time it takes to mend. Soothe discomfort with a warm water bath (no soap) twice a day, says Dr Hilda Hutcherson, assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Colombia University Medical Center in New York.
Next time Demand generous foreplay: it takes anywhere from 30 seconds to several minutes once you're aroused before you naturally lubricate. Test a new lube on your inner labia and wait a few hours for a reaction before a full-on slather. And, if jalapenos are involved, vigorous handwashing with a washcloth and warm, soapy water is in order. Avoid: jelly rubber toys containing phthalates, chemicals that irritate tender tissue.