No doubt about it - relationship troubles suck.

So after crying that river, how do you move on? Three women share strategies for bouncing back

Michelle's Story

After divorce
Leaving her marriage took guts and a leap of faith, but showed Michelle Lasorsa, 35, that fortune really does favour the bold

What happened?

Over the years there were signs in her marriage that Lasorsa now recognises as "red flags". She met her ex-husband at 22, married him at 29 and they were together until she was 33. "We had lots of happy times. We travelled, had great friends, a beautiful home. But looking back, the cracks showed."

They had a tough time dealing with some fertility issues and, in 2005, her ex-husband experienced a serious incident at work that affected them emotionally and financially. Lasorsa remembers wondering how they would cope with future problems. "We lost our spark and intimacy and began to drift apart." Another flag was spending weekends in Westfield buying clothes trying to make herself feel better. The couple saw a therapist for six months, but eventually Lasorsa realised that she was sacrificing her own happiness. On Christmas Eve of 2006 she left the marriage.

Coping strategies

Lasorsa made a plan to come to terms with her marriage failure. "Not only did I lose my husband, I also lost his family. We had lots of mutual friends and suddenly they were not in my life any more."

First port of call: her parents. "Mum was my rock. We spoke on the phone a lot and she'd send me positive mantras about moving on and great horoscope readings."

Exercising and going to the beach were key. It was the height of summer so Lasorsa drove to Sydney's Palm Beach or Bondi for soft sand runs, or swims before work. "The ocean was cleansing and invigorating. I'd recommend exercise to anyone as a cure for heartbreak. The dose of endorphins and sense that you're taking care of yourself are all part of moving on and building yourself up to feel strong again."

After the split Lasorsa felt a sense of freedom. "I had no doubts I'd made the right decision and though I had no idea what the future would hold - would I be alone forever? Would I ever have children? - it felt exciting because I was back in the driver's seat of my own happiness." Surrounding herself with positivity helped Lasorsa deal with uncertain times. Weekends in Westfield were replaced with life-mapping, collecting inspiring images and words - which she stuck on her kitchen pinboard - and calling her girlfriends for support. "My friend Kathleen talked with me all night, Josephine took me dancing and Natasha emailed me each day with love and words of wisdom." Eating well was also essential, Lasorsa ate lots of fruit, sushi and healthy salads. Just weeks later, she began to feel like her old self again, "only fitter, happier and with even more to offer".

LIFE AFTER A MARRIAGE BREAKDOWN

"Lack of communication and loss of love, trust or sexual intimacy are the most common reasons for ending a relationship," says WH sex and relationships expert Dr Traci Coventry. "Loss of love is the real signal it is over - the others can be worked on if both partners are committed to resolving them." It's common to feel betrayed, angry, bitter, hurt, mistrustful and isolated after a marriage breakdown. "Re-evaluating your life can be overwhelming, even more so if you have children."

People need time to adjust and move to the next stage, which is acceptance of what's happened, and it's important to work through the healing process with counselling or self-help. Signs you're ready to date again? "When you feel confident and excited about the next stage - and able to cope with the rollercoaster ride of a new relationship."

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