What do you make of Malcolm Turnbull? We don't have much to go on just yet.

Is he a top bloke, role model or power walker?

It's time for some scrutiny - so for the lighter side, Sunrise asked media commentator and political bandit 'Defamer' what they think of the new look Liberal Leader.

 

1. In what ways do you predict Mr Turnbull's leadership will differ from Mr Nelson's?
I imagine Mr Turnbull will be less inclined to quiver his lip whilst talking to the media or well up with tears whenever things don't go his way. I never actually saw Brendan  Nelson cry during his time as Liberal leader, but he always sort of looked as though he was hoping his mum would come and pick him up shortly so he wouldn't have to deal with all the nasty kids at school.

Also, given Mr Turnbull is rolling in the money, I hope he brings a lot more bling to the role. John Howard always seemed too fuddy duddy-ish to indulge in spiffing up his outfits with flashy jewellery, and Brendan Nelson was obviously too scared of the Liberal Party bullies stealing his earring and calling him a stupid girl to even consider wearing his lobe accoutrement to work, so it's up to Malcolm Turnbull to bring some panache to the job.

2. How might a new Liberal leader inspire the Australian media to greater heights?
I'm not entirely sure a new Liberal party leader will be able to inspire the media to greater heights ("greater heights" insinuates that they actually spent the last decade or so working up a sweat whilst climbing Mount Journalism, whereas I suspect most members of the media - not all, but most - got a little knackered halfway through the journey and decided instead to set up camp and spend a few years soaking up the view from the middle).

But given that Malcolm Turnbull's surname contains two words, one relating to movement and the other an animal, I expect him to at least inspire some amazing headlines for canny sub-editors during his time at the top.

3. In what way does Turnbull's millionaire background make him accessible to mums and dads struggling with mortgages?
Malcolm Turnbull's millionaire background - and past ownership of an ISP - means he probably has an internet connection. Which means he's accessible to mums and dads around the country through the magic of email.

I've already drafted my first written request for a cash injection from the Bank of Malcolm, and I suggest other cash-strapped Australians do the same - and quickly - before those damn Nigerians cotton onto the scheme and bleed him so dry, there's not a drop of blue blood or affluence for the rest of us.

4. How did you find Mr Turnbull’s acceptance speech?
I found Mr Turnbull's acceptance speech to be absolutely stirring. He talked about this great country's need for confidence, and he's absolutely right. Ever since the Labor Government came to power, Australians have felt increasingly insecure.

The nation has squeezed itself into its favourite green and gold metaphorical hot pants and repeatedly asked the Prime Minister "Do this make me look fat, darl? Does it?" only to have our plea for a self-esteem boost cruelly ignored because Kevin Rudd is too swept up in the latest Gao Xingjian novel to even look up and acknowledge us as we preen desperately and pathetically in front of him, begging for attention.

Malcolm Turnbull is fully prepared to give us a metaphorical playful pinch on the metaphorical bum, and whisper "You're one fiiiiiine package, baby" in our metaphorical ear like a modern day political Casanova, and that's exactly what we need in order to feel good about stripping down to our cossies by the time the next APEC forum rolls around. Wait, what was the question?

Related Links

defamer.com.au