Our Experts

Intimacy & Sex

The Art of Intimacy

The Secrets Your Partner is Keeping From You

Jul 10 05:59am

Have you ever wondered what secrets your significant other is keeping from you? Even the most committed, honest partners often have one or two secrets they keep from their loved ones. So what are the most common secrets men and women keep from each other?

He doesn't want you to know that he struggles with body image issues, too. It is customary to see a woman order a salad with dressing on the side and a diet soda. But if a man makes such an order, it is seen as a little... strange. After all, many women still expect their men to be meat-and-potatoes kind of guys who don't put too much thought into calories or body image. But, believe it or not, men can be just as sensitive about their appearances as women, and some go to many (secret) lengths to look their best. Yes, he might be having beers and wings in front of you and your gal pals on Saturday night, but that doesn't mean he doesn't eat lean in the privacy of his own home!

She really wasn't afraid of that big scary spider in the sink. In today's age of equality and female empowerment, women are no longer treated with the kid gloves of chivalry by their male partners. Don't get me wrong, gender equality is great... but sometimes women still want to be treated with extra care. So how do they accomplish this? By playing the damsel in distress! Whether it is running from the "scary" spider in the sink or shrieking in the middle of a scary movie, women often play into their need for a "knight in shining armor" by putting up a frightened front... even when they aren't!

He is much more jealous than he lets on. Men know that giving you the green light to have a "girls' night out" will pay off when its his turn to hit the town with his buddies, but that doesn't mean he doesn't cringe a little when he sees you leave the house in your little black dress. It isn't that he doesn't trust you, but he has the inside track to the way men think... and as much as he might deny it, he worries about you going out and being deterred by someone new. But, don't worry! A little jealousy will make him that much more appreciative when you come home as committed to him as ever!

She doesn't really want to hop on the baby bandwagon just yet. Most men think that women have biological clocks the size of Texas, and while we do tend to swoon over our friends' special bundles, that doesn't mean we are ready for one of our own yet! Thanks to reality television, women are more aware than ever of the horrors of pregnancy and childbirth (think stretch marks, weight gain, nausea and labor!), and it makes the process a little daunting. Not to mention, most women want to climb the corporate ladder as high as they can before Mommy rituals begin, so postponing pregnancy is becoming a popular trend.

So tell me... what small (or not-so-small) secrets are you keeping from your spouse?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Get Dr. Laura Berman's customized advice for you:
Free Assessment

178 Comments Report Abuse

11. waz2loz - Jul 11 04:16pm

quack is dead right lance_reeves2000. I have met child psycolgists and breast care nurses with no kids this is just one more in a long line of so called experts with no real life experience in their apparent field of expertise

12. mary_meyers@ameritech.net - Jul 11 12:31am

As a soon-to-be-divorced woman, I clicked on this article looking for more than just fluff "she may not really be afraid of spiders." I was with someone for nearly 20 years before he decided to start letting me in on his little "secrets" like a panty hose fetish (he wears 'em, not me) that eventually grew into his wearing women's underwear and asking me to wear a strap-on in the bedroom. Yes, you think you know someone...

13. leartiste2001 - Jul 11 04:49pm

I have a question for "Dr Laura". Did you get your tuition fees refunded? If not, you should! Surely someone with some real life knowledge could be found to write for forums like these.

14. nailbyte - Jul 11 12:46am

Here's the deal, You might have hit your man target but as for the women issues, you were weak. How about taking a swing at your own gender next time!
S~

15. fernandojs@sbcglobal.net - Jul 11 07:01pm

Married women shouldn't have night outs that involve drinking and dancing (as might be suspected by the attire). Married men shouldn't either.

16. girlchefj@sbcglobal.net - Jul 11 12:48am

This article was very trite and stupid. There are more serious relationship secrets than, not all ladies want babies, and men have body issues too. I mean, anybody capable of not stereotyping the genders knows all this stuff already. It was a waste of my time to read it.

17. karen8382@att.net - Jul 11 10:59pm

I on second hand agree with fernandohasms. Married couple or unmarried couple who are happy with eachother and sound in there relationship should not require having to go out without eachother. The only way to a good relationship is if your going out then take your partner with you. And men do have a complex with there wieght. But some chose to stay the way they are and if they want to fix it they can if not so what. And on the part of babies. yeah not all women want kids but others do.

18. mista_igodeep - Jul 16 06:19pm

I have a feeling that theres a possibility when your other goes out and could get into some trouble and they could come home all over you because they miss you or they could be just trying to erase what happened earlier out of their memory by being all over you. My ex would go out when she got mad at me. Or always ask what my schedule was, but never wanted to reveal too much about her business. Would always want her questions answered but not feel inclined to answer the same questions

19. bonatriba@sbcglobal.net - Jul 11 01:28am

Shame on you for propagating the modern mindset that pregnancy is a horror. Stretchmarks and the like are the rites of passage into motherhood. They should be treated with the honor and respect that they deserve. However, I applaud the debunking of the myth that all women want to have babies as soon as possible.

20. mista_igodeep - Jul 16 06:27pm

I think there is something wrong with your lady's attire if what she wears out is constantly more provocative than what she wears for you personally. Or if your lady goes out to dance but won't dance with you.