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The Art of Intimacy

The Secrets Your Partner is Keeping From You

Jul 10 05:59am
Have you ever wondered what secrets your significant other is keeping from you? Even the most committed, honest partners often have one or two secrets they keep from their loved ones. So what are the most common secrets men and women keep from each other?

He doesn't want you to know that he struggles with body image issues, too. It is customary to see a woman order a salad with dressing on the side and a diet soda. But if a man makes such an order, it is seen as a little... strange. After all, many women still expect their men to be meat-and-potatoes kind of guys who don't put too much thought into calories or body image. But, believe it or not, men can be just as sensitive about their appearances as women, and some go to many (secret) lengths to look their best. Yes, he might be having beers and wings in front of you and your gal pals on Saturday night, but that doesn't mean he doesn't eat lean in the privacy of his own home!

She really wasn't afraid of that big scary spider in the sink.  In today's age of equality and female empowerment, women are no longer treated with the kid gloves of chivalry by their male partners. Don't get me wrong, gender equality is great... but sometimes women still want to be treated with extra care. So how do they accomplish this? By playing the damsel in distress! Whether it is running from the "scary" spider in the sink or shrieking in the middle of a scary movie, women often play into their need for a "knight in shining armor" by putting up a frightened front... even when they aren't!

He is much more jealous than he lets on. Men know that giving you the green light to have a "girls' night out" will pay off when its his turn to hit the town with his buddies, but that doesn't mean he doesn't cringe a little when he sees you leave the house in your little black dress. It isn't that he doesn't trust you, but he has the inside track to the way men think... and as much as he might deny it, he worries about you going out and being deterred by someone new. But, don't worry! A little jealousy will make him that much more appreciative when you come home as committed to him as ever!  

She doesn't really want to hop on the baby bandwagon just yet. Most men think that women have biological clocks the size of Texas, and while we do tend to swoon over our friends' special bundles, that doesn't mean we are ready for one of our own yet! Thanks to reality television, women are more aware than ever of the horrors of pregnancy and childbirth (think stretch marks, weight gain, nausea and labor!), and it makes the process a little daunting. Not to mention, most women want to climb the corporate ladder as high as they can before Mommy rituals begin, so postponing pregnancy is becoming a popular trend.

So tell me... what small (or not-so-small) secrets are you keeping from your spouse?

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154 Comments Report Abuse
1. whirinthelight - Jul 10 01:17pm
women might not be afraid of the big scary spider in the sink. however, I doubt many women can easily tolerate the sensation of crunching one in their fingers. if there's ever a volunteer around that's willing to get the spider or some other insect out of the way, male or female, i'm more than happy to let them have at it. it's the crunching of the bug that makes my skin crawl.
2. leartiste2001 - Jul 11 07:47am
So "Dr" Laura says its quite ok for a girls night out in the little black dress and that "a little jealousy" is a good thing? Sigh! Another stupid academic with no real life experience! Jealousy is destructive, and when it is caused by provocative behaviour like this, it's pointless.
3. leartiste2001 - Jul 11 07:52am
You cannot be trusting and jealous at the same time. My wife is hot in her little black dress. But at the end of the night, it's me she comes home to, the same way it's her I go home to after a guys night out. If you have faith in the relationship and your partner, it won't matter what she wears.
4. aige@sbcglobal.net - Jul 10 11:01pm
Own a Harley, and if you're lucky, get one for her as well. Then when the "night out" night comes you can keep this in mind...

"What happens on the road stays on the road".....

Black dress or no dress at all....
5. laurel_spencer1 - Jul 11 11:16am
Spot on, leartiste2001, jealousy and trust are polar opposites, with jealousy either being well-founded ("he/she has been unfaithful before" etc) or an insecurity ("How can I trust they won't flirt/cheat/encourage" etc). Truth be told, we like to get compliments. Dress nicely and we feel good.
6. laurel_spencer1 - Jul 11 11:23am
It's our motive for dressing nice which should be explored. If we don't know why we do things, how is our partner supposed to understand our behaviour? My only advice is that if you really don't trust your partner, get out of the relationship if trust is on your 'must-have' list. :)
7. zx11heaven@sbcglobal.net - Jul 11 11:54am
Why so harsh poeple??? Those things are probably the most common secrets couples keep. Kinda like the top 5 on the family feud! Everyone has them and has a right to have them. Yours just may be different than those. Mabey you like to watch freaky porn and your partner thinks it's a sin. Now that's a secret worth keeping. I think this articles has more good points than bad ones anyway. I for one got a chuckle from it and am gonna share it with others. Thanks!!
8. gilteeegirl - Jul 11 12:21am
Good article.. and I'm watching Dr. Laura on Rachael Ray right now talking about single women having sex or not (on first date, or whatever)!! VERY GOOD!! ood to watch... anyone on the West Coast should watch it when it comes on... Love seeing you on TV, Dr. Berman.... cuz I feel like I KNOW you from this blog!! LOLOL
9. msbiddlecombe - Jul 11 03:17pm
What would you like us to wear on our nights out? An apron and barefeet like in the kitchen.
10. gilteeegirl - Jul 11 12:25am
Wow! I haven't been on here for a long time and it took me a while to find this blog!! Why does Yahoo make it so hard???... Why can't they just link to the "Expert Blogs" from the front page??..... Anyways, wanted to say "HI" to all my old blogging buddies out there!! I've moved but now I'm all settled now, so I'll stop in once in a while when I can. xoxoxox
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