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The Art of Intimacy

Why He Won't Propose

Jun 21 04:02am

Wedding season is upon us, and as you watch excited friends and family members scurry down the aisle, you might be wondering: When will it be my turn to tie the knot?

It is not unusual to get antsy about ascending to the next stage in your relationship, especially when you see friends of the same age (or younger!) already in the land of happily ever after. Of course, not everyone needs a ring to create a lifetime commitment with their partner, but for those who do want to get married, waiting for the proposal can be agonizing.

So, why in the world isn't he proposing?

Men Don't Hear the Clock Ticking. While men are fertile well into elderly years (Hello, Hef!), the biological clock keeps a different timetable for women. Even though medical advancements can now allow women to have babies well into their forties, the chances of conceiving and carrying a healthy baby to term decrease rapidly with age. Men often do not realize the extent of this fertility timetable, and even if they do, they might not feel the same pressure to settle down. The good news as to why he hasn't proposed yet? It's not you -- it's Mother Nature.   

Men Dread the Big Day. Not all women dream of the big day and the white gown, but many do. As a result, some women crave marriage more than men, simply because they can't wait to be princess for a day! However, the groom-to-be usually feels something akin to dread -- not because he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with his blushing bride, but because he doesn't want to spend hours deciding table arrangements or corralling his family into a reception hall. The upshot? Be sure your man knows your future wedding isn't going to be a three-ring circus, and get him thinking about possible honeymoon spots. The thought of you in a bikini in Aruba might get him down on one knee.

Men Want to Be Prepared. Yes, romantic comedies make spontaneous proposals look tempting, but the truth is that marriages fare better in situations where the finances and big life decisions are already planned out. If you and your significant other haven't seriously discussed marriage, let alone where you will live, if you will have kids, etc., chances are that he hasn't proposed because your relationship isn't prepared for that next step. The cure? Figure out if your life plans are on the same track by casually mentioning your own future goals, whether it is to own a business, buy a house, or have a baby.

Men Fear the Proposal Moment. Have you ever thought about how scary it must be to plan what is supposed to be the most romantic moment of you and your partner's life? From JumboTron proposals to hiding engagement rings inside of Crab Rangoon, previous grooms have created a lot for your partner to live up to. Assuage his fears by letting him know that skywriting is nice, but sweet, simple gestures are best.

Finally, if you know that you are ready for the next step in your relationship, but you still haven't seen any bling, you might want to consider summoning up your bravery and popping the question yourself!

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612 Comments Report Abuse
11. love2from2002 - Jun 23 06:49pm
Hmmmm Does age matters? Sometimes he can be too scared to ask his young gf to marry him? :D
12. love2from2002 - Jun 23 06:50pm
Oh...... m he's 18 years older than me by the way but I'm happy whenever we spent time together :D
13. sonanjc - Jun 24 02:59am
Q? What is she going to be like afterwards. Men (like myself) can be worried that as soon as the woman has had her day to be a princess and has then recieved her baby, what importance is the man to you then? Some woman (not all) take the kids and run and poison the kids minds against the Dad. Fair?
14. machouche@xtra.co.nz - Jun 24 01:25pm
Since woman and man are equal. therefor, woman can't be treated as woman of an old definition. add into it civil union (where can I find that woman as described in the bibble?)
15. spoiledroten16 - Jun 25 12:51pm
awesum!
16. mwmjsmith@xtra.co.nz - Jun 24 07:35am
Men will marry women who aren't prepared to settle for less. Be a doormat and give him everything he wants without marriage and he won't propose. If you want to get hitched, make it clear and if he isn't ready then he's not right for you - don't date/live with any man for more than two years.
17. depoyana - Jun 25 01:01pm
Well, this seems reasonable. I'm not a guy but that last point was probably the closest I'd ever get to understanding a guys situation.
18. shattergod - Jun 25 01:08pm
Maybe he doesn't want to marry because if the marriage fails he gets the chance to be financially destroyed by her and his children stripped from him. Just a consideration. I have no desire to get married much less have kids with a woman for these reasons alone. Why set myself up for such a thing? The vast majority of divorces are initiated by women... surprise surprise... so again, why bother taking that risk? There's absolutely no incentive for a man to get married... PLENTY of incentive for a woman to get married, however.... and that incentive is the opportunity to destroy the man she decides to collecy child support from (even if it's not his kid... and yes, this has happened before... several times.)
19. jessemccarty - Jun 25 01:09pm
As a man, if I proposed to my girlfriend of two years, just to see her in a bikini in Aruba....I think that would be for the wrong reasons, you know? A lot of my friends who haven't proposed are not mature enough to be married (and they're near 30!), and forcing them into anything would inevitably become a disastrous situation. I do agree on the proposal thought, however, as many men hear their girlfriends talk about the "perfect" proposal, and feel like it's a competition amongst women.
20. chrisbov5553 - Jun 25 01:10pm
i agree with all these senarios i was with someone ten years and i finally gave an ultimatim he literally shoved his tail between his legs and ran in the other directions
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