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The Art of Intimacy

Why He Won't Propose

Jun 21 04:02am

Wedding season is upon us, and as you watch excited friends and family members scurry down the aisle, you might be wondering: When will it be my turn to tie the knot?

It is not unusual to get antsy about ascending to the next stage in your relationship, especially when you see friends of the same age (or younger!) already in the land of happily ever after. Of course, not everyone needs a ring to create a lifetime commitment with their partner, but for those who do want to get married, waiting for the proposal can be agonizing.

So, why in the world isn't he proposing?

Men Don't Hear the Clock Ticking. While men are fertile well into elderly years (Hello, Hef!), the biological clock keeps a different timetable for women. Even though medical advancements can now allow women to have babies well into their forties, the chances of conceiving and carrying a healthy baby to term decrease rapidly with age. Men often do not realize the extent of this fertility timetable, and even if they do, they might not feel the same pressure to settle down. The good news as to why he hasn't proposed yet? It's not you -- it's Mother Nature.   

Men Dread the Big Day. Not all women dream of the big day and the white gown, but many do. As a result, some women crave marriage more than men, simply because they can't wait to be princess for a day! However, the groom-to-be usually feels something akin to dread -- not because he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with his blushing bride, but because he doesn't want to spend hours deciding table arrangements or corralling his family into a reception hall. The upshot? Be sure your man knows your future wedding isn't going to be a three-ring circus, and get him thinking about possible honeymoon spots. The thought of you in a bikini in Aruba might get him down on one knee.

Men Want to Be Prepared. Yes, romantic comedies make spontaneous proposals look tempting, but the truth is that marriages fare better in situations where the finances and big life decisions are already planned out. If you and your significant other haven't seriously discussed marriage, let alone where you will live, if you will have kids, etc., chances are that he hasn't proposed because your relationship isn't prepared for that next step. The cure? Figure out if your life plans are on the same track by casually mentioning your own future goals, whether it is to own a business, buy a house, or have a baby.

Men Fear the Proposal Moment. Have you ever thought about how scary it must be to plan what is supposed to be the most romantic moment of you and your partner's life? From JumboTron proposals to hiding engagement rings inside of Crab Rangoon, previous grooms have created a lot for your partner to live up to. Assuage his fears by letting him know that skywriting is nice, but sweet, simple gestures are best.

Finally, if you know that you are ready for the next step in your relationship, but you still haven't seen any bling, you might want to consider summoning up your bravery and popping the question yourself!

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613 Comments Report Abuse
1. readeh1@verizon.net - Jun 21 05:38am
He may not be proposing as my mother used to say "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Men can now have sex just about any time they want from many willing females and can have his clothes folded by the local laundry and his meals ready made in the local supermarket. If he wants a date and fun he calls and then retreats to his own cave where he can do what he wants with no responsibility to another person. This is particularly true of men that have been married and have had children already. With widowers no one is as good as the wife that died and divorces are full of fear that they will fail again.
2. supremekelly - Jun 21 05:50am
Actually, male fertility begins to decline in the mid-40s...also, men who father children after age 50 are linked to an increase in various birth defects. Although male sperm is constantly being produced, the DNA templates (the machinery if you will) are less reliable as a man ages and point mutations and deletions increase.
3. chuckcc2007 - Jun 21 05:56am
Vast majority of men don't dread wedding day parties and fear asking. Thier ears hear ticking clocks just fine and they can usually aren't too concerned about planning issues. They're worried that in 50% of marriages end in divorce, almost 80% of marriages are ended by the female half, almost 90% of women get full custody of all the kids, and that men are much more likely to take a large financial loss in divorce, compared to women. Throw in stories like this
http://www3.whdh.com/news/artic les/local/BO80913/ and also this http://www3.whdh.com/news/articles/ national/BO80877/ and you can see why sites like this have a lot of readers http://www.nomarriage.com/
4. marq_wilkins - Jun 21 06:40am
The last sentence can be used as another reason as to why men don't propose or want to. Finally, let's see how women can swallow their pride for their "Loved One" and how the fear of rejection can impact a proposal. And this was sent from a Male user.
5. minniemouse0912 - Jun 21 08:39am
My man keeps postponing.
6. minniemouse0912 - Jun 21 08:39am
My man keeps postponing.
7. minniemouse0912 - Jun 21 08:43am
My man keeps postponing.
8. mckrista1976 - Jun 21 09:17am
I think you forgot to mention that some men still think that they still have a chance with Angelina Jolie (or a look alike)
9. chuckcc2007 - Jun 22 04:05am
More of our screwed up American (Western) culture.

Did 17 high school girls all make a pact to all get pregnant?
http://www.yahoo.com/s/904077
These stories happen every-single-day in our wacked out society. And then people wonder why men are rejecting marriage with so many wackos running around.
10. trokies - Jun 23 05:07pm
I proposed to my fiance over a text message. It was sweet because thats how we got together. And he said YES! I was so happy!
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