What’s most important in life: integrity, honesty, tolerance? Whatever matters most to  you probably came from the lessons your parents or favourite teachers instilled in you.

These values let us decide what’s right and wrong, guide our decision-making and determine our priorities. Parenthood means we must decide on a set of family values to pass on.

Children don’t need formal instruction on what is expected; they can be taught on a day-to-day basis. Very young kids can be taught to share and, on starting school, reminded to include others in games. Pre-teens will need to have the importance of acceptance and tolerance pointed out when they criticise other kids.

So what’s the best way to instil a strong set of values in kids?

Table matters
The best time to highlight family values is over a meal. Having a few laughs and sharing the day’s stories gives plenty of opportunity to remind your children of what’s important in life. Praising them for showing compassion or being empathetic will strengthen the lessons you taught them when they were younger.

Now you’re talking
Teenagers are notorious for quoting what happens in other people’s houses. And even preschoolers can be heard to say: ‘But Jimmy’s mum bought him a PlayStation and it wasn’t even his birthday!’ Children may not like it but by saying ‘In this house we value working for what we get’ or ‘In this house we don’t talk like that’, you will be subtly instilling family values.

Value judgement
When your child is invited to a second party after having already accepted a previous invitation, use the opportunity to point out the value of loyalty and friendship. Or if your child can’t decide whether to ring in sick for their casual job because their friends have decided to go out somewhere fun, remind them about commitment and trust.

AGREE ON WHAT'S IMPORTANT
Consider the following list of potential values, and then decide with your partner or spouse what your family values will be: 

• Compassion
• Honesty
• Integrity
• Courage
• Perseverance
• Trust
• Empathy
• Obedience
• Tolerance
• Loyalty
• Faith
• Respect
• Kindness
• Caring
• Acceptance
• Reliability