Unfortunately, nasty bullies are everywhere – at school, in the office and, increasingly, online. Despite the zero-tolerance policies in schools and workplaces, this damaging behaviour continues. So how can you identify a bully – and stop them making your kids miserable?

Spotting a bully
It can be difficult to recognise a bully. Being victimised can often lead to a loss of confidence, and victims might believe they are the cause. You might meet the child who is said to be bullying your child, or the person bullying your friend, and find that they’re delightful. Then, you may start questioning the validity of the complaint. Make sure you’re familiar with the profile of a bully (see below).

Help for the victims

1. Praise them for telling you: A lot of children are embarrassed about being bullied and are reluctant to tell anyone. If your child tells you, thank them for opening up.
   
2. Remind them it’s not their fault: Kids commonly believe they deserve to be bullied. Convince them that they don’t.
   
3. Teach them not to fight back: It’s tempting to tell your kids to stand up for themselves, but that could increase the chance of someone getting seriously hurt. Children should be brave and walk away. Most schools have a buddy system and spending time with their buddy after being bullied helps a child to feel safe. Teachers need to be told if bullying occurs and parents must follow up after a child makes a report.
   
4. Teach kids about cyber-bullying: The incidence of online bullying is increasing every day. Children need to be taught that whatever they say online can be used as evidence against them. Remind them they should not say anything online that they wouldn’t say to the person’s face.
   
5. Teach them to support friends who are being bullied: One of the hardest things for a child to do is support a friend who’s being bullied, especially if it’s done online. Remind them that a good friend doesn’t stand by and watch a friend in trouble. Good friends help by turning their backs on a bully, even if they’re not victims themselves.

Standover tactics:
Antisocial behaviour in children stems from many causes. Some of the main reasons children intimidate others are:

• To make themselves look tough
• To make others afraid of them
• A way of attracting attention
• Because they’re jealous of their victim
• Because they’re being bullied as well

Profile of a bully:

• Intimidating
• Ridiculing
• Arrogant
• Excludes people
• Lacks empathy
• Aggressive friends
• Popular
• Bossy
• Lacks respect for people or property
• Treats animals and children poorly

Signs of bullying:

• Refusing to go to school
• Lack of interest in activities
• Low confidence
• Mysterious cuts and bruises
• Unexplained loss or damage to property
• Anxiety
• Displaying withdrawn behaviour
• Threats to hurt self or others
• Bullying siblings or friends