Recently I was asked how to handle a visit from a family member who lives overseas. The visitor has a history of having ‘short arms and long pockets'. In other words, she doesn't pay her way.

This is a common problem. When an Australian marries someone from overseas, there can be a flow of visitors. Likewise, when a couple move interstate or to another country, family and friends can enjoy having free accommodation whenever they're passing through.

Although it's lovely to see people you've missed, sometimes, it can be tricky. How do you ask a guest in your house to contribute to the cost of their visit? How do you get them to help with the cooking or cleaning during an extended stay? And how can you ask a visitor who has overstayed to move on?

Short stays aren't often a problem. Even if a guest is lazy, demanding or reticent to contribute financially, there isn't time for resentment to build up. The problems start when someone stays more than a week or two. No matter how much you love this person and enjoy their company, the tension will increase with the cost and length of the stay.

The answer is to establish some ground rules before your guests arrive. Be assertive. Be honest. When the subject of their visit is first mentioned, say something like: ‘We'd love to see you and are happy for you to stay with us, but we're on a pretty tight budget at the moment. Unless you're able to contribute to the cost of things while you're here, perhaps we should postpone the visit.'

Putting the issue on the table early on makes it easier to ask for money during the visit.  It's also a good idea to ask upfront how long they're planning to stay. It's not offensive to say: ‘We have a few things coming up, so let me know your dates so we can see if it all fits in with our plans.'

Once again, by confronting the issue head on, you avoid the awkward conversations later. We all want to make guests feel welcome in our homes, but waiting on someone can be tiring over a long period. Don't wait for an offer. Think of a few ways they can help and simply ask. As you leave the house in the morning, ask them if they wouldn't mind hanging out the washing for you. Apologise for not having had time to unload the dishwasher and ask them politely to do it for you. While you're cooking dinner, give them a job by saying: ‘Would you mind chopping up these vegies - that way you can chat to me while I cook.'

Some visitors, however, are blissfully unaware they're being a burden, so instead of whingeing to your partner, speak up. Even if they know exactly what they're doing, it'll be hard for them to refuse your request for help or money if you ask in an assertive manner.