Q: I have three children aged 12, nine and seven years of age. They all play two sports. The older two girls love to dance and have three dance classes a week. They all play the piano and the youngest is keen to take up the guitar. What I want to know is, how much is too much? I keep hearing that we shouldn't be pushing our kids, but I can honestly say they're the ones who want to do these activities. I want to give my children all the opportunities in the world, but only if it's not doing them any harm.

Concerned, NSW.

A: There are so many opportunities for kids these days. If they wanted to, they could be participating in a supervised activity every minute of every day. Gone are the days when children went to school, did some homework and then played with their neighbours until it was time for dinner and a bath.

These days, it's as if the day only begins once the bell rings to signal school's out. Swimming lessons, music lessons, sports practice, dance classes, tutoring, coaching - the list goes on. Weekends are no longer a time for relaxation. It's a case of how to get the children from one match to the next, keeping an eye on the clock so as not to miss that Saturday dance class, or warm up for the local eisteddfod.

Activity overload?

Sure, the kids are tired, but generally, they seem happy with this hectic schedule. So why do the experts warn us to not overload our children? One reason is that children seem to have lost the art of entertaining themselves. From a young age, they lead very structured lives which include playgroups, music groups and swimming lessons on top of preschool or day care.

Not many kids spend days at home playing make-believe or constructing cubbyhouses out of boxes and old curtains. There's no time. By not learning the art of self-reliance, they're quick to whinge about being bored if there's nothing on the agenda.

Real expectations

There's another latent problem. It's highly possible children aged between seven and 12 who do three to four dance classes a week might expect that dance will be their life. We don't want to quash our children's dreams and ambitions, but we need to give them a well-rounded childhood so they don't have unrealistic expectations about how easy it will be to achieve their dreams.

Youngsters who swim three to four times a week will be better than their classmates at swimming, but it doesn't necessarily mean they will make the Olympic swim team. Preschoolers who can read before they start kindergarten don't necessarily end up at the top of their year level in high school. One way to keep their dreams alive, but keep their expectations in check, is to allow them to swim or dance or sing, but also make sure they spend a bit of time riding their bikes with friends or playing Monopoly.

Terrible teens

It's also worth remembering that pre-teens tend to be enthusiastic creatures, which is a good thing. But it can be a shock to parents when the adolescent emerges - one who wants more time to sleep, talk to their friends, or watch TV. It can be difficult enough nagging them to do their homework and get to bed at a decent hour, let alone reminding them about music practice or a dance competition. Parents can find it very frustrating to have spent many years and a lot of money ferrying their children around to different activities only to have their 15-year-old telling them they're no longer interested.

Down time

And then there's the fatigue. Children are not getting enough sleep these days. How can they be in bed at a decent time if they go straight from school to swimming training and then footy before rushing through dinner and homework?

To give your children the best start, encourage their dreams while teaching them to lead a well-balanced life, which includes room to breathe.

For more advice from Jo Lamble, check out the latest issue of New Idea - on sale now!