Many couples probably wouldn't sign up to be parents if they knew just how limited their quality time together would become.

Recent research has revealed busy Australian parents are spending as little as 15 minutes a day together without their kids. And many parents average even less, especially those with very young children.

But in order to work, relationships need collaboration, with quality time allowing it to prosper and grow.

'There are three components to a relationship: two individuals and the relationship itself,' says Dr Zoe Pearce, a relationships lecturer at the Queensland University of Technology.

'Once the responsibility of parenthood, a mortgage and work come into play, the relationship gets pushed down the priorities list.'

One of the first things to change when kids come along is a couple's sex life, then it's personal time or down time. As the financial pressure increases, so too do stress levels. And with so many families relying on two incomes, the demands of work and kids' schedules means there's not much time left for anything else.

'Before they have children, women have lives very similar to men - they have a career, their own money and independence,' says Alison Osborne, author of The Post-Baby Conversation (Rockpool, $27.95). 'But when they have a baby their lives change.'

Many couples don't talk about how their roles will change - they just make assumptions about the other person. When expectations aren't met, resentment builds up, which can be very damaging to a relationship.

It might not show initially, even taking years, but the person who was once a loving partner and confidant can become almost a house mate.

Alison says financially independent women can suffer the same feelings of frustration. Women who work outside the home often still do more of the housework and probably spend weekends catching up on household chores rather than taking time out.
Likewise, modern men can struggle to find their own sense of identity. Men feel pressure to balance the role of financial provider while contributing to domestic work and child-rearing. Often this role is quite different to the role their parents played.

Communication and respect is the way to keep relationships high priority. 'Once couples stop talking they're likely to feel their needs aren't being met,' Dr Pearce says. 'The connection isn't there and they start feeling like they're not part of a combined effort.'

Choosing the way to get a point across is key. If a woman wants her partner to get involved, relinquishing control to him is healthy and will help build his confidence.

For a man, acknowledging his partner's input goes a long way towards sustaining a healthy relationship. Listening to her issues and showing an interest in her day is beneficial to their partnership.

Dr Pearce says busy parents also need to plan their quality time. 'It could be talking over dinner, going to see a movie or just enjoying a program on TV,' she says. 'It's when both people can devote their full attention to one another. There's still plenty of room in a long-term relationship for "date nights".'

Quality time together doesn't always mean time without the kids. The logistics of parenting and life can be all consuming, and you have to be able to step away and enjoy good times with the family. But time spent nurturing your relationship alone with your partner also plays a major role in providing a happy, stable environment for your kids.

How do you keep your relationship alive and manage a busy family life?