Q: I have a nine-year-old daughter who loves to dress up like a 15-year-old. She has always liked fashionable clothes and has quite a good dress sense, but I don't like the idea of her looking like a teenager. She wants to wear a bra and high heels and loves putting on make-up. I can't imagine what she'll be like when she hits puberty. How can I encourage her to act her age without causing too many arguments?

Rebecca, via email

A: Now is a good time to address this issue with your daughter. Remember, your job is to be the best mother you can be, not her best friend. And sometimes being a mother means saying things she doesn't want to hear.

Safety first

Remind yourself that her safety is your major concern. Dressing like a 15-year-old without the maturity to handle the attention that comes, is not safe. She might love the fashion for older girls, but she could be giving off signals that she would like to be treated like older girls. Older boys and sexual predators could easily mistake her look as an invitation. Calmly point out this unsavoury truth and give her a variation on the stranger danger talk.

Social pressure

At nine, your daughter's self-esteem is just beginning to develop and hurtful comments from friends and strangers can be very damaging to her confidence. Girls who dress older than their years tend to stick together and so she may be making an unconscious decision to develop friendships with girls who also dress older. As
a result, she might be limiting her social choices.

Shop smart

I don't blame your daughter for being drawn to this type of fashion. The shops are full of it and many designers target the pre-teen market. Bras and high heel shoes for pre-pubescent girls are everywhere. I'm assuming you buy all her clothes, which means the ultimate decision on what she wears is yours. You want her to have choices, but you want to influence these choices. Make sure you praise her good taste and encourage her love of fashion. Take her shopping to age appropriate shops and let her choose. If you just don't like something she loves, don't comment. Only speak up if you believe it would not be good for her to wear it. It's a good idea to take a friend or cousin of hers when you shop. Feedback from someone her own age will carry more weight.

Drawing inspiration

A nice way to encourage her love of fashion is to encourage her to design clothes herself. If she draws, she can fill a sketchbook with designs. If not, she could learn to design on a computer.
If her designs are for older children or adults, give her lots of positive feedback and lightly comment that when she gets to that age, she'll be a knockout in these clothes. Remember to dress appropriately yourself. If she sees you dressing like a teenager, it'll be more tempting to mimic you. If she sees you wearing a lot of make-up, remind her that
at her age, she's lucky to look beautiful without make-up. Love and protect your daughter by encouraging her passions while keeping her safe.

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