Research on female arousal says avoiding her turn-offs is just as important as hitting her hot spots.
Here's how to play both sides
By Lauren Murrow

CONNECT, QUICKLY

DO THIS . . . First impressions - whether good or bad - quickly snowball, according to a 2006 Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) study.
"You have to prove you have a lot in common as quickly as possible or it could go downhill from there," says the study author, Dr Dan Ariely, a professor of behavioural economics. Be prepared.

"Ask an open-ended question that highlights someone or something in common," advises Amy DeZellar, author of Dating Amy: 50 True Confessions of a Serial Dater. Try "How do you know so-and-so?" or "I love this song, too. Have you ever seen these guys live?"

NOT THIS . . . Talk her head off. Women want three things from a first move: confidence, conversation and chemistry. Hit your marks, then peel off.

"Depth, not length, builds intimacy," says Diane Mapes, author of How to Date in a Post-Dating World.

MAKE YOUR FRIENDS HERS

DO THIS . . . Prove you're not just on the prowl by introducing her to your mates. Circle back to your initial conversation, drop a self-effacing quip, offer a compliment or do all three: "This is Carrie. She's amazing. And I think she may still be recovering from my earsplitting karaoke . . ."

Researchers at Northwestern University in Chicago monitored a group of speed-daters and found that a woman's sexual and romantic desires are most aroused when your affection is perceived as unique in some way. Praising her among your friends does exactly that.

"Women have a sophisticated intuition for gauging romantic interest," says study author Dr Paul Eastwick. "Introducing her to your friends could show her you're not just looking for a one-night stand."

NOT THIS . . . Back her into a corner. Remember that you're confident enough not to deploy the conversational tractor beam - and you're not just looking for a fling.

Still, the connection was meaningful and you'll want to find a way to double back.

NOTICE HER HIDDEN TALENT

DO THIS . . . Women are most receptive to praise when it reveals insight into their uncommon personality traits, according to Canadian researchers. So tailor a compliment that subtly massages her ego.

If she's a natural-born storyteller, say something like:
"I could listen to you all night." You'll prove you see past her drool-inducing, low-cut halter-neck top.

NOT THIS . . . Give her weak or obvious physical praise. If you must, emphasise superlatives: "You have the most beautiful smile I've ever seen."

SEDUCE HER SOCIALLY

DO THIS . . . It takes the right blend of social and situational stimuli to bring a woman's sexual systems online. "A woman's inhibitory mechanisms are more controlled by social factors than a man's," says Ariely. "At first, cues such as intimacy, trust and safety are more salient for her."

Impress her by using subtle displays of protective affection, such as guiding her along the street with a gentle touch on her lower back or parting the crowd in a packed bar while shielding her behind you.

By forming an early, nonsexual connection, you'll warm up her sexual sensors and raise your chances of getting her phone number at the end of the night.

NOT THIS . . . Engage in bumping, grinding, groping, humping, pumping, thumping or anything else that could end up in a 50 Cent video.

START THE SLOW BURN

DO THIS . . . Affection and close contact are crucial for a woman's arousal, but there's a big difference between orbiting and attacking.

Women in a focus group, conducted by the Kinsey Institute in the US, said being treated like a sure thing was their biggest turn-off. So be subtle. Steal up and kiss her neck while she's cooking; plant a long, lingering "hello" when she comes home from work; or rub her shoulders when she's fresh from the shower.

NOT THIS . . . Overload her arousal sensors. Sneak attacks - in the morning before she's awake, in the lift before she's settled at home - can slam on the brakes.

"Her neurophysiological off-switch is much more sensitive and refined," says Kinsey Institute researcher Dr Erick Janssen.

AWAKEN HER BODY

DO THIS . . . In a 2007 University of Texas at Austin study, women who viewed their own bodies in a mirror before watching erotic scenes became more physically and mentally aroused.

The reason? "Visualisation helps women warm up," according to Dr Cynthia Graham, an associate research fellow at the Kinsey Institute. Bring her body to life by seducing her in front of a full-length mirror, then stroke her shoulders, arms and hips as you describe what you like about each part.

NOT THIS . . . Go straight for her pleasure points. The longer you build anticipation, the more pleasure she'll feel once you reach her hot spots.

Women in the same MIT study mentioned earlier found a range of sexual activities at least 25 per cent more enticing when they were sexually aroused.

"Arousal amplifies desire," explains Ariely. "From considering threesomes to being tied up, people often underestimated how attractive they would find such activities until they were turned on."