Yes, the sexual flame will start to flicker. Here's how to fan it back into a bonfire.
By Jamye Waxman



Here are five ways to bust a rut and resume rutting:

Try anything once:

You'd think the sexual repertoire of couples would broaden over time, but it actually tends to narrow as comfort sets in. That's why Lex and Leslie have a pact: nothing is off limits.

"The last new position we tried was where Leslie was on her back with her legs curled up so her ankles were near her head and I was positioned above her," says Lex. "We joked about her being a contortionist, but she really liked the intense eye contact it provided."

Novelty ignites passion by increasing your brain's levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter linked to romance and sex drive, says biological anthropologist Professor Helen Fisher. Fisher has been studying relationship biology for more than two decades.

"So if you keep doing things that are new and different, you have a better chance of sustaining the romance," she explains.

Okay, but how do you get your partner to don a Catwoman suit and purr? "Just ask," says Lex. "Make sure she knows you don't expect her to do it ever again. And be willing to do anything for her as well. Once."

Arnold was right about the pump and orgasms:
Exercise works wonders not only on your body, but also on your woman. "Exercising together fuels our passion," says Melinda, who, along with her husband, Stephen, redefines the term "pump you up".

"Vigorous activities, such as jogging and spinning, release endorphins that improve your mood and relax you," says personal trainer and fitness consultant Gregory Florez. "In the hours following 30 to 40 minutes of cardio, skin temperature is elevated and your sense of touch is heightened. It's a great time for intimacy."

Melinda and Stephen, who've been together five years, work out at home in their underwear - "for more visual stimulation and extra motivation," says Stephen.

Foreplay includes push-ups and bench presses. "Sometimes we do exercises that bring us really close, but we don't actually touch," he says. "I'll do push-ups while Melinda's on the floor doing bench presses. Or she stands up doing curls while I'm underneath her doing sit-ups. We get hot, sweaty and turned on, and then it's time for another workout - this time in the bedroom."

Don't hold back, either. "Sweat is an aphrodisiac," says Florez, who is also the CEO of FitAdvisor.com. "The smell of perspiration from a clean person is arousing. Post-exercise, your brain is in a state of hyper-arousal and your body may be as well."

Give her a token for sex:
Remember those innocent teen games, such as "truth or dare" and "spin the bottle"? Embracing them now, only not so innocently this time, can reignite your fire.

Jon and Susanna, a couple for 10 years, have sex with Parker Brothers all the time. It's not as kinky as it sounds - they trade Scrabble points for three-minute sexual favours.
"It can be a massage, kissing, oral sex, talking dirty, a dance, whatever we want," Susanna says. "Last time we played, Jon asked me for a striptease. I made him think I was going all the way, but I stopped when I was down to my panties.

"The game is all about the tease. Scrabble kicks up our ETS - estimated time for sex. The game disintegrates slowly, usually when one of our trysts becomes about getting the other person off."

Psychiatrist and sex therapist Dr Barbara Bartlik explains why silly games lead to crazy sex: "Bringing an item into the bedroom, like a board game, forces you to think about how you're going to use this item to make the experience different. Whoever dreamt up the idea feels triumphant, while the other person feels well attended to. These positive experiences feed our relationships and make love last."

Whether it's Scrabble or Battleship doesn't really matter. "The best thing is, it takes the guesswork out of communication," says Jon. "It gives us structure and it's fun to have a built-in forum to ask for what we want sexually."

Become a marathon man:
Better sex will lead to more sex, says Bartlik. So forget the quickies and love each other longtime. Consider making an appointment that neither of you is allowed to cancel: lie in bed together for one hour on a weekend morning. You might just chat or you might rock the sheets like porn stars. Either way, you're connecting.

Let's say you're like Brian and his wife, Mary and you don't necessarily have the luxury of a lazy Saturday morning.

"When we first met, we had sex every day," recalls Mary. "But we're parents now and don't have as much time. Now it's just once a week. But with an hour or two of actual intercourse, it's always amazing and meaningful."

Having been together for 10 years, the couple lets the anticipation build with extended foreplay that can last as long as an hour. "We start slowly, mostly just hands, bodies and mouths everywhere," Mary says. "Eventually, we move into all types of sex - fast, slow, gentle. Brian tries to hold out an hour before we explode."

More of a five-minute man than a marathon man? Try these stamina boosters from Barbara Carrellas, author of Urban Tantra.

"Stop stroking or thrusting your penis for 10 to 20 seconds. Relax completely, take your focus away from your genitals and instead focus more on your breathing."

"Lie on your back. Gravity will draw blood away from your erection. If you are already on your back, lift your hips."

"The best way of all to avoid premature ejaculation: relax, breathe deeply and slow down. This is easier in a passive, receptive mode, so let her be on top. Ask her to stop or slow down before you reach climax. She can continue to touch and stroke you all over your body - except for your penis, that is."

Plan a sex excursion:
For Lesley and Tim, sex isn't just part of a vacation: it's the very reason for the getaway. Travel is usually the most draining aspect of time away, but this couple actually plans trips around where and how they might have sex along the way.

Recent exploits for the couple, together for four years, included oral sex on a flight to Aruba and sex under a blanket on another flight - this one to Bermuda.
"There was nobody around and we tried to stay inconspicuous," Tim recalls. Rather than dampening sex drive, the possibility of getting caught can send sexual desire into overdrive. It's why the Mile-High Club is such a non-exclusive fraternity.

Luckily, you don't have to fly to a far-flung land to take your sexual satisfaction to new altitudes. "Surprise your partner on a random Monday or Tuesday," suggests certified sexual educator Megan Andelloux.

"At dusk, blindfold her and lead her to the car. As you drive to a remote location, her excitement will build. When you arrive, take off her blindfold and spend lots of time making out in your car before relocating to the back seat.

"Even if you end up just two blocks from home, the sex will be worlds away."