Here are some helpful rules to get you ready for fatherhood.



Rule 1: Embrace your neuroses
Feeling unprepared? You're not alone. "Most men who become fathers haven't really given it any thought and it knocks you sideways," says Marcus Berkmann, author of Fatherhood: The Truth (Ebury, $34.95). "In a way, you have to follow your children's lead - they don't worry about the future all the time, so why should you?"

Bad Dad builds a bunker for his little Prince/Princess, complete with barbed wire and gun emplacements to protect them from the world.

Good Dad learns to deal with his feelings and carry on. (And avoids scaremongering in the tabloid press).

Rule 2: Accept that your other half will go slightly mad
During and after pregnancy your once sharp-as-a-pin partner will become forgetful, muddled and cry for no obvious reason. "The worst thing anyone can do is try to force her out of it," says Betty Parsons, author of The Expectant Father (Constable & Robertson, $14.95) "It's a normal reaction to birth, the release of several months of apprehension."

Bad Dad patronises mother for her irrationality. ("What did you expect it to do? Tricks?")

Good Dad realises that's it's hormonal, but never says so.

Rule 3: You'll start referring to your partner as "Mum"
Be warned: from an innocuous "Where's Mummy gone?", it's only a short step to saying "Thanks, Mum" when she pours you a glass of wine. "I'm convinced this is one of the reasons why so many divorces happen when the kids are young," says US fathering guru Armin Brott, author of The New Father (Abbeville, $19). "It's vital you get someone to take care of them or an evening so you can go out and talk about something other than the kids."

Bad Dad is secretly relieved that he doesn't have to bother with all that romance stuff anymore.

Good Dad buys the odd bunch of flowers, or even a dress she possibly won't be able to get into for, ooh, at least a year.

Rule 4: You will still have sex. Occasionally
Some parents get back in the saddle after a week, others take up to a year. What's essential is that you're honest with each other about your desires, or lack thereof. "It's important not to stop all forms of physical contact," says Tessa Hilton, author of The Great Ormond Street New Baby and Child Care Book (amazon.com, $19). So stay tactile, exchange kisses and then perhaps progress towards oral sex first.

Bad Dad sulks, whines and never lets up about his "conjugal rights".

Good Dad takes matters into his own hand for a while, then makes her Feel Like A Woman again.

Rule 5: Learn to deal with unadulterated fatigue
Night-time feeds, unaccountable fevers, bed-wetting...the way you used to fantasise about sex as a teenager you'll now reserve for sleep. "I was obsessed with sleep for about five years," says Berkmann. "I wish someone had told me that is you can manage to go to sleep at quarter to ten twice a week, you can deal with all of it."

Bad Dad moves into the spare room since, "some of us have to work all day".

Good Dad offers to alternate attention to night feeds and/or screaming sessions.

Got another rule? Let us know: