Sex & Relationships
Six women you need to meet
Crack out of your dating rut and try someone new for a change. By Sarah Miller.
Sure, you’ve gone out with 20, 30 women. But we’re willing to wager that you’re actually dating the same woman over and over again.
“We often return to similar patterns, to familiar personalities and modes of interacting,” says the anthropologist Helen Fisher, a relationship expert and the author of Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love (Henry Holt & Company, $53.99). Not only does dating the same type of woman become a little boring, it doesn’t allow you to evolve.
But with our roster of classic womanly personalities as a guide, we’ll sort out what you like, why you may be stuck in that pattern and what you could be missing out on – both romantically and sexually – by not mixing up your playlist.
The urban sophisticate
Her strengths This woman is funny, hot and spontaneous. When you walk into a room with her, everyone stares at you in envy. Neil Strauss, author of the best-selling dating memoir The Game (Text, $34.95), puts it simply, “This is the kind of girl everyone wants and it makes you feel awesome when you’re the one who has her.”
Her weaknesses “You need enormous confidence to date a woman like this,” Strauss says. “She gets off on attention, but you can’t get jealous.”
If you’re independent, you’ll dig her ambition, but make sure she wants you – and not just the ego boost you provide.
Her bedroom persona She’s uninhibited and nicely groomed. Tell her you like her on top, preferably wearing something expensive that makes her breasts look hot.
The arty hipster
Her strengths She knows where all the dive bars are and all the art shows with free wine. She’s exciting and stylish, but not as untouchable as the urban sophisticate.
“She actually likes nerds and intellectuals,” says Ian Coburn, author of God Is a Woman: Dating Disasters (Firefly Glow, $24.99). And she actually cares about culture. “She can be great for a guy who wants to learn more about art and music,” says Dr Ian Kerner, a relationship therapist and the author of She Comes First (HarperCollins, $39.99).
Her weaknesses Do you keep going after her because you hope her cool will rub off on you? If your interests don’t match, don’t expect to just coast along on her taste.
“Girls like this have opinions,” Kerner says. “And they want you to know the difference between Jonathan Adler and Jonathan Richman.”
Her bedroom persona The good news: she’s dirty. The bad news: her bed’s not that clean. Tell her if she changes the sheets before you come over, you’ll take her to see Arcade Fire – in Canada.
The vegan yoga gal
Her strengths She’s got great skin and a long neck and she gives you long back rubs with wacky oils. All that deep breathing means she rarely flies off the handle and you value this perhaps even more than you value her amazing, high, tight rear, which is saying a lot.
Strauss says, “This is a woman who really wants to make a deep connection with life and a man who wants the same could be really into her.” Fisher says that independent, analytical or creative guys could find her alternative view fascinating.
Her weaknesses Remember, Strauss notes, “These women are almost exclusively interested in men who are into the same stuff they are.” Love her, love her lifestyle.
Her bedroom persona She’s just as Kama Sutra-esque as you were hoping – but no quickies. She likes it slow and soulful.
The alpha female
Her strengths She graduated from college in three years and went right to law school without taking a vacation. She’s hard to keep up with. Ironically, it’s not the alpha dog who should try dating her.
“A scientist, artist or teacher will do well with this woman,” says April Masini, author of Date Out of Your League (amazon.com, $15). “If you’re not interested in power plays, she won’t fight you.”
Her weaknesses She has a lot in common with alpha males, but these relationships are too intense.
“They can’t make time for each other,” Fisher says. Coburn cautions that pushover types are often attracted to such women and some alpha females – the sadistic ones – are attracted right back. “Obviously, if this is your dynamic, it isn’t good.”
Her bedroom persona She’s efficient and skilled, but she can be more than sufficiently animal if you help her let her guard down.
The intimacy junkie
Her strengths She goes to yoga, too, but it’s the easy kind that’s more about “connection to the self” than sculpting a smoking bod. So what if she’s a little in your face? The sex is amazing. Strauss likes women like this. “She is the best kisser in the world. Very intense, very into connecting.”
Fisher says independent men will love such a deeply verbal gal and Kerner thinks all men should date someone like this. “Most men need help learning to communicate and she will help them.”
Her weaknesses The intimacy junkie makes you feel great at first. She’s so into you and your feelings. Analytical men will find themselves easily ensnared in her macramé web.
“He will be super into her at first, but there’s going to be a lot of talk about the ‘meaning’ of the relationship, which might cause it to implode,” Fisher says.
Her bedroom persona She’ll do anything, including some things that scare you. The word harness comes to mind. Tell her you’ll do it if she gets waxed.
The happy homemaker
Her strengths She’s no gold digger – all she wants is a Volvo wagon and a nice, cozy three-bedroom home. She wants to have your kids, take care of them and take care of you.
“Some guys draw a great deal of ego satisfaction from providing for a family and there is nothing wrong with that,” says Masini. A man who grew up in a very traditional household will love her and, conversely, a guy who grew up with domestic chaos craves this woman for the stable home she provides.
Her weaknesses Remember that when she says she’s not going to work, she means it. Career-minded men could be happy with an arrangement that allows them to focus on their work while she manages his domestic life. But if the financial stress builds, you may not be able to convince her to get a job.
Her bedroom persona She’ll be accommodating and eager at first, less so with each offspring. Find a good babysitter so the two of you can steal away.
Sure, you’ve gone out with 20, 30 women. But we’re willing to wager that you’re actually dating the same woman over and over again.
“We often return to similar patterns, to familiar personalities and modes of interacting,” says the anthropologist Helen Fisher, a relationship expert and the author of Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love (Henry Holt & Company, $53.99). Not only does dating the same type of woman become a little boring, it doesn’t allow you to evolve.
But with our roster of classic womanly personalities as a guide, we’ll sort out what you like, why you may be stuck in that pattern and what you could be missing out on – both romantically and sexually – by not mixing up your playlist.
The urban sophisticate
Her strengths This woman is funny, hot and spontaneous. When you walk into a room with her, everyone stares at you in envy. Neil Strauss, author of the best-selling dating memoir The Game (Text, $34.95), puts it simply, “This is the kind of girl everyone wants and it makes you feel awesome when you’re the one who has her.”
Her weaknesses “You need enormous confidence to date a woman like this,” Strauss says. “She gets off on attention, but you can’t get jealous.”
If you’re independent, you’ll dig her ambition, but make sure she wants you – and not just the ego boost you provide.
Her bedroom persona She’s uninhibited and nicely groomed. Tell her you like her on top, preferably wearing something expensive that makes her breasts look hot.
The arty hipster
Her strengths She knows where all the dive bars are and all the art shows with free wine. She’s exciting and stylish, but not as untouchable as the urban sophisticate.
“She actually likes nerds and intellectuals,” says Ian Coburn, author of God Is a Woman: Dating Disasters (Firefly Glow, $24.99). And she actually cares about culture. “She can be great for a guy who wants to learn more about art and music,” says Dr Ian Kerner, a relationship therapist and the author of She Comes First (HarperCollins, $39.99).
Her weaknesses Do you keep going after her because you hope her cool will rub off on you? If your interests don’t match, don’t expect to just coast along on her taste.
“Girls like this have opinions,” Kerner says. “And they want you to know the difference between Jonathan Adler and Jonathan Richman.”
Her bedroom persona The good news: she’s dirty. The bad news: her bed’s not that clean. Tell her if she changes the sheets before you come over, you’ll take her to see Arcade Fire – in Canada.
The vegan yoga gal
Her strengths She’s got great skin and a long neck and she gives you long back rubs with wacky oils. All that deep breathing means she rarely flies off the handle and you value this perhaps even more than you value her amazing, high, tight rear, which is saying a lot.
Strauss says, “This is a woman who really wants to make a deep connection with life and a man who wants the same could be really into her.” Fisher says that independent, analytical or creative guys could find her alternative view fascinating.
Her weaknesses Remember, Strauss notes, “These women are almost exclusively interested in men who are into the same stuff they are.” Love her, love her lifestyle.
Her bedroom persona She’s just as Kama Sutra-esque as you were hoping – but no quickies. She likes it slow and soulful.
The alpha female
Her strengths She graduated from college in three years and went right to law school without taking a vacation. She’s hard to keep up with. Ironically, it’s not the alpha dog who should try dating her.
“A scientist, artist or teacher will do well with this woman,” says April Masini, author of Date Out of Your League (amazon.com, $15). “If you’re not interested in power plays, she won’t fight you.”
Her weaknesses She has a lot in common with alpha males, but these relationships are too intense.
“They can’t make time for each other,” Fisher says. Coburn cautions that pushover types are often attracted to such women and some alpha females – the sadistic ones – are attracted right back. “Obviously, if this is your dynamic, it isn’t good.”
Her bedroom persona She’s efficient and skilled, but she can be more than sufficiently animal if you help her let her guard down.
The intimacy junkie
Her strengths She goes to yoga, too, but it’s the easy kind that’s more about “connection to the self” than sculpting a smoking bod. So what if she’s a little in your face? The sex is amazing. Strauss likes women like this. “She is the best kisser in the world. Very intense, very into connecting.”
Fisher says independent men will love such a deeply verbal gal and Kerner thinks all men should date someone like this. “Most men need help learning to communicate and she will help them.”
Her weaknesses The intimacy junkie makes you feel great at first. She’s so into you and your feelings. Analytical men will find themselves easily ensnared in her macramé web.
“He will be super into her at first, but there’s going to be a lot of talk about the ‘meaning’ of the relationship, which might cause it to implode,” Fisher says.
Her bedroom persona She’ll do anything, including some things that scare you. The word harness comes to mind. Tell her you’ll do it if she gets waxed.
The happy homemaker
Her strengths She’s no gold digger – all she wants is a Volvo wagon and a nice, cozy three-bedroom home. She wants to have your kids, take care of them and take care of you.
“Some guys draw a great deal of ego satisfaction from providing for a family and there is nothing wrong with that,” says Masini. A man who grew up in a very traditional household will love her and, conversely, a guy who grew up with domestic chaos craves this woman for the stable home she provides.
Her weaknesses Remember that when she says she’s not going to work, she means it. Career-minded men could be happy with an arrangement that allows them to focus on their work while she manages his domestic life. But if the financial stress builds, you may not be able to convince her to get a job.
Her bedroom persona She’ll be accommodating and eager at first, less so with each offspring. Find a good babysitter so the two of you can steal away.
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Richard
Since that's what most guys go for in my experience.
All so shallow, maybe having a brain is not a requirement these days.
By the way i'm not ugly, this is coming from an intelligent brunette who is sick of blondes having all the fun.