Beware: the MH office girls tell it straight. Click here to ask Emily, Jannah and Hanna the questions you can't ask anyone else.

Q: What's the best way to deal with a wife with very aggressive PMS? She gets angry about nothing and brings up past wrong doings. It's straining our relationship to the edge. - NN

Jannah: Build a bomb shelter and stock up on canned goods . . . or have some kids, so she takes her rage out on them. To tame her inner Hulk, maybe find a different outlet for her anger (I was joking about the kids). Exercise always works for me.

Han: Or sex. The endorphin release might calm the bitch down. Can't coerce her even with massage oil and tickets to Billy Elliot? Cook, clean, vacuum, dust . . . it will make her happy and studies show men who do chores get more sex.

Emily: If all else fails, time a romantic day trip once a month. You'll be surprised how quickly the "alleged" PMS disappears when you're enjoying a wine-tasting tour in the luscious Hunter Valley . . .


Q:I've recently come out of a six-year relationship and I'm scared to approach girls now because I fear rejection. What can I do to help me get back in the game? - "Nic"

Jannah: We all know what it's like to come out the other end of a long-term relationship: daunting, lonely. But it's a chance for something better. So exercise, primp, wax if necessary - it sounds like a chick's solution, but focusing on yourself and creating the best you is needed. After this: get amongst it; you're not going to meet Miss Right, while you're stuck in your couch mould.

Emily: Yep, it's time to get some mojo happening by getting back in the game. Hook up with some female friends and get them to take you out - this isn't a job for you and a group of your single mates (to be honest, nothing is more off-putting than a sausage-fest).

Han: Everyone's scared of rejection. Why do you think alcohol's so bloody popular? I'm not suggesting you hit the bottle, but do frequent places where alcohol is consumed. A wise man - okay, it was just MH features editor Ben - once told me house parties are best for meeting people. Corner a girl, offer one of the spare beers you brought for that very purpose and impress her with Flight of The Concords quotes.


Q: I'm been dating a girl (about four weeks) and I've been to quite a few events with her mates. But now I'm afraid I met the wrong girl 'cause I absolutely click with one of her friends. Can I call it off with this girl and then approach her friend after a couple of months? - "Sam"

Han: The grass is always greener. But sometimes that grass is actually patchy/muddy/actually Astroturf close-up. Or it could make you really, really itchy. Get what I'm saying, Sam?

Emily: It's safe to say that if you've already got a thing for her mate four weeks in, then you're clearly not that into her. End things peacefully now before you're too entrenched and then revisit the mate a few weeks down the track.

Jannah: This is a sticky one, Sam, literally, as it could depend on whether you've slept with your current date or not. Also on how close these two ladies are. I don't know any of my good friends who'd be okay with what you're suggesting, but you might get lucky. There's no harm in trying I guess. Might help if you look like Brad Pitt.

Han: But what's Girl B going to think of you once you've ditched Girl A to proposition her? She may question your integrity and pass. Then you've lost both Girl A and Girl B.

Emily: If you end things with Girl A in style and don't make a knob of yourself, Girl B might look past your brief encounter with her friend.


Q: I'm 24, been single for six years and always get turned down by women my own age (most of them are gold-diggers looking for a bloke who looks like Fabio). The only women that try to get into my pants are thirty-something babes. Got any tips on how to pull the younger ones? - "Simon"

Jannah: A change of attitude is in order. If you're thinking so negatively about the young "gold diggers" than of course you're going to get negative returned. So you're not wealthy and you don't look like Fabio, not all girls want that. Maybe you can offer loyalty or laughs or a great shag? My advice: stop giving the mature women the eye and approach some young ones - sometimes we just want a guy to make the first move.

Han: So you're implying that at least two of us are gold-diggers 'cause we're under 30. Thanks mate. Well, we're not - nor do we like Fabio lookalikes - so Jannah's right, you have to fix your attitude. Be open to meeting all girls your own age and don't assume anything. Though, if a chick asks for Moet, run.

Emily: Now I don't know what sort of venues you've been frequenting Simon, but we office girls don't know any women around your age who want a man like Fabio - I mean, the guy looks like he's been hit in the face by a low-flying goose. Yep, open your mind and assume less.


Q: My girlfriend found my porn stash and she's weirded out. I thought all girls just assumed every guy has one. Do I need to explain? - LH

Jannah: LH, I think you need a spanking! Seriously, did she grow up in a religious cult? Maybe it's just an initial, knee-jerk reaction. Ask her why it affects her and work from there.

Han: You're use of the word "stash" could be the problem . . . if you've been hiding your porn it, she's naturally going to be weirded out.

Emily: Yep, her discovery is probably for the best; if porn's not her thing, it was probably never meant to be. To avoid such mishaps in the future, display it in your DVD collection with pride - after Pirates and before Priscilla.

Han: Maybe try to get her involved and it won't seem so foreign: rent one of those not-so-scary DVDs in which people bump uglies a lot, but you don't actually get to see the uglies.


Q:Do girls really care what type of car you drive? I think my Ford Laser needs an update. Any suggestions? - MT

Jannah:The flashier the car the smaller the penis, or the bigger the ego, or both, leading to an underlying insecurity which no girl wants to deal with. MT, you're asking the wrong girl, as long as the doors open and shut, it's not a hotted-up hatch-back and it's cleaned every now and then, I'm happy.

Han:I used to think like you, Jannah, until I met a completely unpretentious guy with a substantial package and an Alfa Romeo convertible. He just likes cars. But, more to the point, I couldn't give a shit about what he drives and any girl who cares about that, MT, isn't worth your time.

Emily: Yeah, generally speaking, guys who drive flashy cars don't have much else on offer - all the gear and no idea. Your Ford Laser is nothing to be ashamed of; so long as it doesn't smell like dog and is free of any ex's undergarments, you've got my vote.

Han: Here's an idea: get a bike. Your deliberate attempt to stop global warming will warm her heart . . . and her special place.


Q:I accidentally called my current girlfriend by my ex's name. Now she's pissed. Any thoughts on how I rectify this problem? - CS

Han:Was it while you were inside her? If so, you're more screwed than Ron Jeremy at a gang-bang. If not, don't worry. It's perfectly natural, especially if you were with the ex for a big chunk of your life. Make like K-Rudd and just say sorry.

Emily: Yeah if it was during a romp I'm not sure that any amount of grovelling will get you out of this one.

Jannah: It's one word that could be held against you forever. You've just given your GF a dart that could be thrown back at you in any argument.

Emily: Hey, why not try giving all of your girlfriends the same, non-personal nickname? It's a fool-proof plan that you won't be calling out the wrong name in the throes of passion.

Jannah: Yeah try "sweet cheeks" or "lamb chop" - joking!


Q:My missus' ex partner and I hang out socially and she gets shirty about it. I've tried convincing her we don't talk about her (we don't), but she's still cranky. What's the go? - MK

Emily: Break-ups can be painful and your partner probably feels like you're dragging her over the coals. Surely you've got other mates you can watch the footy with?

Jannah:Look buddy, this guy used to bed your GF, can you really be cool hanging out with him? I guess this is where the sexes differ? Chicks don't even want to be in the same room as their boy's ex.

Han: Never? You never, ever talk about her? Whatever. Well, maybe you should compromise and see the guy less.

Why would you want to upset your "missus"? Mates before dates, doesn't always rate. Oh my God - I've gone all Dr Seuss.

Emily:Agreed. In this situation, the woman comes first. Time for a new drinking partner, MK.

Jannah:Try to seeing it from her perspective. She feels vulnerable. Would you be cool if her and your ex were besties?

Q: A girl I work with flirts with me all the time. So I asked her out for a coffee and she said, "I don't know". When I asked her for her number, she said, "No". What's happening here?- SV

Emily: Dude, you've fallen victim to the office flirt who never follows through. There's one in every workplace - she's probably just the bored receptionist who couldn't find anyone to stalk on Facebook that day. Drive her crazy by hooking up with one of the chicks in sales.

Jannah: You picked it in one, Em. This girl feeds off male attention, so just ignore her. Good on you for taking the initiative and asking her out. Don't let this knock-back affect you - you've probably dodged a bullet.

Han: Hmmm . . . fishing off the company pier. It's a tricky one. One Australian survey found that one in four people had met their long-term partner at work, but when it goes pear-shaped you're left with awkward conversation at the tea urn - or worse - security camera footage of the two of you doing bad things with a photocopier. Maybe she was just trying to avoid all that.

Jannah: Habitual prick-tease or not, Han has a point (pardon the pun . . . and I'm referring to the office flirt, Han, not you).

 

Q: I am a 37-year-old divorced male with two kids (they don't live with me). I'm still very good friends with my ex-wife. In fact, she works for me. Will other women find this weird? - "Z"

Han: Depends where you work. If you own a strip club, I'd say you're stuffed.

Jannah: True, a work uniform with nipple tassels could be an issue . . . But seriously, Z, I think at first, yes. You'll have to make it very clear where you stand.

Emily: Nah, quite the contrary - I think other women will find it refreshing. It shows that family is important to you and that your marriage ended on good terms. A man who's friends with his exes is a man who doesn't burn bridges and that can only be attractive to another woman.

Jannah: Also, be sure your ex isn't continuing to work for you because she's still holding a flame. Women will sniff a desperate female a mile off.

Han: Yeah, it's a subtle mix of St Tropez and stewed rabbit.

 

Q: Six months ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of four years. It was a mistake and I want her back. But I've contracted an STI. How do I break that to her and still win her back?- PF

Emily: A lot can change in six months - people move on, others contract STIs. Gauge her interest first and if she's feeling the same way, come clean (so to speak). Most STIs are treatable these days, so as long as you're up-front and honest, you're already in the good books.

Han: Em's right again. Talk to her, don't hold back (except when it comes to your dick - tame the beast until the two of you are back on track). You never know, she might've gone all Samantha Jones and done some wild-oats sowing herself.

Jannah: So you played in the muddy field, you're filthy and now you want to crawl back to your loving (and clean) ex. Think about whether you really want her back or if it's the comfort you seek. You're burnt and vulnerable after your recent experience on the big, bad singles scene. Rule No 1: always wear a condom! Good luck.

 

Q: My girlfriend of two years is keen for us to move in together. I'm not sure, but think it's essential to find out if she's the one. What do you think?- GH

Han: Take it from someone who just dived into cohabitation for the first time; if it feels right, do it. Do you want to wake up next to her every day? Does she make you laugh? Are you best mates? Can you cook something other than spag bol? If you answered yes to at least three out of four, you're probably ready.

Emily: Do it! Moving in together doesn't actually equate to getting married, having kids and buying a station wagon. If it wasn't meant to be, you can always move out.

Jannah: Like you said, it sorts the maybes from the real deal. But when she's shrieking at you for leaving the toilet seat up and ironing your undies, don't blame me. Just kidding - don't freak out.

Need the girls' advice bad? Click below to send your most difficult dilemmas direct to Jannah, Hanna and Emily.

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