Discover how to toast like Denton, schmooze like Clooney, dance like Timberlake and score like McConaughey.

Giving
Don't bring a gift unless it's signed by the Reserve Bank governor. The best idea is to pop it in the post beforehand, says Carley Roney, co-founder of TheKnot.com. Or scour the registry for something personal, then explain in a card why you bought it.


Toasting
Keep it to three minutes or less, segueing from humorous, PG-rated stories into tender moments. "Don't say anything you wouldn't be comfortable whispering to the bride's mother," advises Roney.


Posing
Lose the drink for photos or risk being immortalised as a pisshead, cautions Tom Haibeck, author of Wedding Toasts Made Easy ($16.95).


Dressing
The classic choice is a single-breasted, peak-lapel jacket, paired with a French-cuff shirt. Your shirt sleeves should reach the base of your wrist bone, with about half-a-centimetre of cuff showing. ore nuptials in the offing? Buy your own tux and have it tailored. Wear it five times and it's paid for itself.


Dancing
Embrace slow songs or ones that revolve around jumping (Shout), simple hand movements (YMCA), headbanging (You Shook Me All Night Long) and hand-grabbing (We Are Family), suggests Craig Michaels, author of Thirty to Wife: The Tell-All Groom's Guide to Weddings (Marlowe, $25.95).


Mingling
Weddings make women feel romantic, but "they're looking for long-term potential, not a quick score", says Roney. Entice them by delivering a toast. "If you're gracious and funny, women will approach you afterwards," reveals Michaels. And remember: no woman can resist a man who is willing to slow-dance to Sinatra.


Singing
Don't. This is the most important day of your friend's life, not karaoke night.


Giving
Belligerence kills smooches, so pace yourself until the cake is cut. After that point you're all clear: "The pics have been taken and the older guests are leaving," observes Roney.

Everyone's got a wedding story to tell. What's yours? Leave a comment below detailing your ultimate big-day blooper...