Demi Moore did it. So did Madonna and Ivana Trump. So why are older women increasingly looking to younger men for love? Anna Saunders goes behind the scenes at a "Toy Boy" night.

It's 7pm on a Wednesday evening at one of Sydney's classier city bars, and MJ Nolan is dressed to impress. Perched on a barstool in a knee-skimming black dress and don't-mess-with-me pointy leopard-print heels, glossy blonde hair falling over one eye, it's hardly surprising that the 30-something suits at the bar are practically drinking her in. But to their chagrin, she barely notices them; instead, Nolan only has eyes for the man seated across from her. "So, what do you do?" she asks, leaning in seductively.

It could be a scene from a million other first dates; except for one thing - Nolan is 37 and the man seated opposite her is 15 years her junior. In fact, a quick survey of the cosy, cave-like bar reveals a collective age gap of at least a century between the immaculately groomed women in their mid to late 30s and their baby-faced paramours, who look (and occasionally are) barely out of their teens. That's because tonight Bar Europa in Sydney's central business district is hosting a "Toy Boy" speed-dating evening, organised by Fast Impressions dating agency. Billed as an opportunity for women to indulge in their very own "Mrs Robinson fantasy", the aim of the evening is to match 12 older women with younger men. Much, much, younger men.

Part of a growing trend - the number of Australian women marrying younger men has almost doubled in the past 30 years - the "Toy Boy" evenings have launched amid a pop-culture explosion; suddenly older women - dubbed "cougars" - are everywhere, from Mark Philippoussis's reality dating show, Age Of Love, where he had to choose between kittens (in their 20s) or cougars (in their 40s), to Ocean's Thirteen, in which Matt Damon's character seduces the cougar, Ellen Barkin. Carrie Fisher and Faye Dunaway are even making a movie called Cougar Club.

According to www.urbancougar.com - one of the numerous online communities that have sprung up recently - a cougar is "a sophisticated species of female who seeks the pleasure of younger males, who avoids the entanglements of a relationship in favour of the freedom of the hunt", and has "overcome the taboos related to her sexual identity".

Social commentators have assigned this so-called revolution to everything from feminism and increasing female financial independence to Samantha from Sex And The City, but one thing's certain: it's a reality.

From 45-year-old Demi Moore; the ultimate yummy mummy who recently married Ashton Kutcher who, at 29, is closer in age to Moore's oldest daughter, to Ivana Trump, 58, who is engaged to 35-year-old Italian model Rossano Rubicondi, and starring in her own reality show, Ivana Young Man, which is about - you guessed it - dating younger men. "I'd rather be a babysitter than a nursemaid," she declared defiantly.

Back in Bar Europa, the women are keen not to be tarnished with quite the same label as Ivana Trump. "It's hideous!" protests Nolan, a human resources executive, of the term "cougar". "We're not pouncing on prey. It's just about personal preferences."

For a moment, a burst of nervous laughter can be heard over the smooth beats rolling through the bar. Around the room, the men and women here for the "Toy Boy" night are standing in awkward clumps making stilted conversation. Arms are folded defensively, jackets are still on, and everyone is clutching a champagne flute like a lifeline. One tall, dark youth in a freshly laundered white shirt and jeans, hair teased into a wave with product, is hovering on the edges of the room; stooping slightly to conceal his height, his eyes downcast except when he furtively scans the crowd. It's like a high school formal all over again.

"I went abseiling recently - and I'm more nervous now," confides petite brunette Majella Turner, who, at 33, is the youngest woman here and is, in fact, visibly trembling in her low-cut, lace-trimmed black dress.

A bubbly personal assistant who's also studying law, Turner has been single for three years and is hoping her luck is about to change. She says there are plenty of advantages to dating younger men. "They've got time to work out, so they've got hot bodies!" she laughs, adding, "Guys my age tend to be well on the career ladder, so they're less likely to put you first. Older guys have an arrogance to them - they seem to think they can teach you something. An older guy might sit across the table from you and give off the vibe: 'How good am I?' Whereas, you sit across a table from a younger guy and their vibe is: 'How good are you?'" She laughs. "It's flattering."

Teacher Bronwyn Davis, 39, agrees, maintaining the sex is "definitely" better. "Younger guys have more stamina, generally - there's more willingness to learn!" says the curvaceous brunette, smoothing her knee-length red dress. She adds that this flexibility doesn't just relate to sex. "Young men are used to a faster pace of cultural change. They're more open-minded and willing to find new hobbies and interests."

Suddenly, the low rumble of conversation comes to an abrupt halt, as Fast Impressions co-host Jane Papalia rings a gong. Everyone listens attentively as the striking 30-something brunette explains the rules; men must rotate to a different woman every eight minutes and once time is up, everyone must record in their booklet whether they think there's a connection. If that person agrees, a match is made and Fast Impressions will send both parties contact details. "Be generous," urges Papalia. "If you're not sure, say yes! You never know what could happen."

And with that, the evening begins; the women nervously settling themselves at tables, while the men shuffle around the bar.

Tom Trout, a curly haired 22-year-old social worker with a shy smile, explains that he's always been attracted to older women, and that friends describe him as "a 40 year old in a 22-year-old's body". "I think my personality suits older women better,' he enthuses. "They're more stable. Younger women are constantly reinventing themselves. They're always changing their minds."

Trout confesses that his last girlfriend was 34. "It was good, although some of her friends definitely thought I was too young," he adds.

Soon, the champagne eases the nerves, and all the couples are happily chatting away. Snatches of conversation float across the bar. "What do you do?" ... "Have you done this before?" ... "What's your favourite movie?" In one corner, a vampish blonde displays impressive cleavage as she throws her head back, laughing throatily, before twirling a strand of blonde hair around her finger and pouting prettily. Sitting opposite, 23-year-old Brenden Bastian is lapping it up.

But later he admits the evening wasn't for him. "I love the idea of the older woman...but they were all power women. I think they wanted to wear the pants." The online business owner, who sports a silver chain round his neck and an earring, says he has never speed-dated before, but came along as a wingman for his friend, Evan Skinner.

For his part, Skinner says the idea of a powerful older woman is a turn-on. "I was impressed," says the dark-haired 24 year old, playing with the cuffs of his striped shirt. "A lot of them were on big money and had great job titles. I think [dating] an older woman is seen as a bit of an accomplishment."

Meanwhile, in another corner of the bar, 34-year-old blonde Clare Clarke is visibly struggling to keep conversation going with the tall, awkward young man from earlier on. "Some of them are too young," she confides later. "I just can't relate to them."

Clarke explains that she's here tonight after recently splitting from a four and a half year relationship. "I mean, I could either sit at home and wallow in self-pity or get out there and meet new people." Crossing her legs, which are encased in narrow black trousers, she adds that she believes the "Toy Boy" concept appeals to people because "stock-standard relationships aren't working - divorce rates are up - so people are saying, 'Why not try anything?'"

According to Fast Impressions co-host Rebecca Attenborough, the evenings arose after the company realised that nearly one in 10 male clients wanted to meet an older woman. The slim, softly spoken blonde admits the company was stunned by the success of the first "Toy Boy" night, which sold out before invitations could even be issued. Since then, there have been 12 events in Sydney and Melbourne, with plans to take the concept nationwide.

But the events' success doesn't surprise social demographer Bernard Salt. He says that, nowadays, women in their 30s and 40s tend to be financially secure in their own right, and, unlike previous generations, don't need to look to men to finance their lifestyles.

"Plus they're often successful and used to taking an assertive role in the workplace," he explains, adding that this can spill over into relationships, where they prefer to take a past generations in their 40s and 50s were happy to "sit back and be approached", for example, after a first marriage dissolved, that doesn't sit well with cougars.

"They're used to negotiating and going out and getting what they want. And why wouldn't women want younger men? They're better looking, more energetic," he says.

But Salt warns that in the future, the rise of cougars could be bad news for middle-aged men. Never known for being overly concerned about their looks, Salt says older men may start experiencing a type of appearance-based anxiety or "manopause" as competition for women heats up.

Find out more about what happened at the Toy Boy night in the December issue of marie claire.